Mary Sue
by Ninjalara
Summary: When a new female turtle enters the lair, Venus must adjust to the fact that she now has some competition. Yet how will she and the boys deal with the other horrors of fanfiction? Completed! Chapter 5 reuploaded due to new rules.
1. Nothing To Be Done

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Mary Sue

Disclaimer: I do not own Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, Splinter and Raphael since they belong to Mirage Studios. Venus de Milo however belongs to Saban Entertainment since she is non-canonical. I do own (unfortunately) this Mary Sue.

Author's Note: This story is rated PG-13 for sexual innuendoes and some swearing. I am in no means parodying a single person's work and any similarities are purely coincidental. Some parts of this fic will be written in the style of the Theatre of the Absurd, being mostly based off Samuel Beckett's 'Waiting for Godot' and Eugene Ionesco's 'The Bald Prima Donna/Soprano'. Hence, some parts are meant to aggravate and annoy readers and aren't supposed to make complete sense :P

Chapter One: Nothing To Be Done.

"MONSTER TRUCK RALLY!" Raphael yelled out with an excited tone as he jumped down the ladder that led into the lair.

"What?" Michelangelo asked while looking up from his Gameboy, slightly baffled with Raphael's sudden entrance.

"Shh! Splinter's sleeping!" Leo whispered as he put a finger to his mouth for added emphasis. The annoyed instruction from the turtle leader wasn't enough to dampen Raph's spirits. With a wide grin on his face, Raphael flashed the four, light blue tickets so that everyone in the room could see them. Mike's eyes instantly lit up like a child's on Christmas Day, knowing exactly what they were.

"Monster truck rally tickets!" Mike gasped in surprise, always secretly wanting to attend a show. Donatello stepped away from the computer and, with Venus, moved closer towards Raphael for a closer look.

"How'd you get them?" Donatello wondered.

"I got them off a scalper," Raphael admitted, still smiling.

"Raph! You're not supposed to buy things off them!" Leonardo replied, speaking on Master Splinter's behalf.

"I didn't. He got what he deserved… and I scored monster truck rally tickets in the process!" Raphael recounted what he did within the past hour, still reasonably happy with his efforts.

"I'm going!" Michelangelo blurted out with excitement, suddenly reaching out and grabbing a ticket out of Raph's hand. Don and Leo did the same and studied the light blue pieces of cardboard.

"But these are for tonight!" Donatello exclaimed, realising that they would have to leave within the next ten minutes if they were to make it to the venue on time.

"And what a better way to spend a Friday night watching testosterone-driven violent races with seriously beefed up trucks!" Mike explained and whined hurriedly, itching to jump in the Hummer and leave.

"What about me?" Venus finally opened her mouth to say something about the matter. The boys fell silent, stared at the tickets in their hands, before clutching them to their plastrons protectively. It was Leo who finally spoke.

"What do you mean?" Leo said while clearing his throat, knowing exactly what was wrong. Even he couldn't resist the temptation to spend some time out to see a particularly masculine event. Although it might not have seemed important to some, to the turtles it felt like they were holding tickets to the Super Bowl in their hands, and no mere female was going to wreck their fun.

"Well, there are only four tickets," Venus said, suddenly feeling left out. The four boys continued to stare at her in silence.

"Well… you always said that you wanted a little more freedom," Raphael started to reason.

"Yeah, you wouldn't want to watch giant-wheeled trucks driving dangerously around a muddy and slippery assault course, while trying to beat the clock and avoid crashing into each other. Not to mention the potential gory accidents along with hazardous fires with flames as high pine trees…" Mike rambled on mindlessly, as though he only spoke to convince himself how much he wanted to go, rather than trying to persuade Venus to stay back at the lair. Mike nervously looked at the clock on the wall and noticed that they had to leave in any minute now. His body shook uncontrollably with excitement. He gulped. "I gotta go!" Mike said abruptly, bolting out of the lair. The other turtles stared anxiously after him, knowing that if they didn't hurry it up, Mike would leave without them.

"Think of this as a girls' night out!" Raphael said as he backed towards the ladder. Donatello and Leonardo did the same, putting on their trench coats and fedoras.

"But I'm the only girl!" Venus protested.

"All the more reason to have a night out," Raphael said as he climbed the ladder to exit the lair. Venus didn't move as she heard the Hummer's engine rev up and leave. An eerie silence echoed through the subway lair causing chills to reverberate down Venus' shell. For the first time in months she felt completely alone. There was no yelling from Raphael, no typing noises from Donatello, no chewing from Michelangelo and no grunts of training to be heard from Leonardo. There was a sense of serenity, and nothing else.

Venus continued to stand in one spot, fixated in thought as to what to do for the next couple of hours. She had the whole lair to herself, and her only rule was that she had to stay quiet for Splinter. A wide smile crossed her lips, though it disappeared when she realised that she was already incredibly bored. Nothing came to her mind.

Venus sighed and walked over to the couch, refusing to admit that she missed the boys' annoying antics. With a flick of her wrist she turned on the television via the remote. She rolled her eyes when she realised that one of the guys had left it on one of the adult cable channels. Giving her thumb some exercise, Venus then persisted in speedily flicking through the various channels, stopping only for five seconds on each to see if anything interesting was on.

The female turtle quickly gave up and tossed the remote beside her on the couch. She groaned when she looked at the digital clock on the wall only to find out that five minutes had passed. All of a sudden, the minute number changed from seven to eight. Realising that she had never seen the number change before, Venus then sat and stared at the clock for another whole minute so she could observe it again; truly bored out of her mind.

Venus sighed once again and walked over to Splinter's carriage. With complete silence, she stared at the rat's sleeping form. The turtle wondered if she should wake him, just for the sake of having someone else awake, yet she knew in Master's old age he needed all the rest he could get. Resisting the urge to prod him awake, Venus turned and curiously looked around for something else to do.

Slightly curious, Venus walked into Leonardo's room, feeling more and more comfortable with every step she took. She really liked the blue-wearing turtle, yet she simply never found the time or the right moment to tell him how she truly felt about him. Venus was scared that Leo might reject her because he would be too busy worrying about their enemies for them to start a relationship. Nevertheless, she knew that she ought to tell him sometime soon, even though she had gone through the conversation in her head over a hundred times still not knowing what exactly she should say.

Venus smiled at the male's impeccably clean room and sat on his bed, being careful not to mess and crease the covers too much. She enjoyed being in his room, but unlike other times, she now didn't have to make up a weak excuse to be there. Yet at the same time she kept an ear out for any unusual sounds, knowing that if someone else found her in Leo's room, they would think she was either weird or obsessed. Still bored, Venus curiously looked through the chest of drawers located beside his bed. Her eyes widened in excitement when she found what looked like a personal diary. Although a part of her wanted to respect Leo's privacy, she simply couldn't resist the opportunity to read through her crush's book; wondering if Leo had written about his feelings for her within its pages.

She opened the diary halfway through and read the current page. _'Today I woke up early to practice and enhance my ninjitsu skills in the dojo. I thought my side kicks needed working on, and I discovered that kicking the wall was better than using a punching bag when it came to fixing and attacking with the knife edge position of my foot.'_ Venus scanned her eyes downward to see if there was anything interesting to be read. She sighed and randomly opened another page of the diary. _'Today I decided to practice with a bo, instead to using my katana. Master Splinter has always told me that I should be prepared for anything, and that means that I should be capable of wielding any weapon in case I don't have a sword available.'_ Venus sighed again in frustration and flicked to another page to read. _'Move left leg forward in leaning stance. Punch head height with left hand, side-ways fist. Slide right foot up and move into straddle stance. Uppercut with right fist.'_

Venus groaned when she realised she was reading step-by-step instructions for a kata. Finding that she was more bored now than when she was before she had read the diary, Venus gave up and replaced the book back in the drawer. She looked at the clock on Leo's bedside table and almost screamed in agony when she found that only another ten minutes had passed. Too bored to leave the bedroom, Venus started to twiddle her thumbs as a distraction.

After figuring out how to twiddle them in nine different ways, Venus finally left the room in search of something less mind numbing. She considered going through Raph's room to see if he had written a diary, but when she observed the piles of trash on his floor, she remembered that Raphael wasn't the type to write down his feelings anyway. Like a lost cause, she then entered Donatello's carriage, only to exit quickly afterwards when she didn't recognise half of the objects that were in there.

Last but not least, she entered Mike's room. Venus covered her nose when she smelt a harrowing odour. Feeling adventurous, she managed to follow the scent. Opening a cupboard towards the back of the room, she gasped when she discovered Michelangelo's hidden stash of junk food; the source of the odour was coming from a rotting ham and cheese sandwich. Having nothing better to do with her time, she bravely picked up and discarded the stinking pile of mess. Venus then sat there in the middle of the room. She checked the nearest clock and sighed when she noticed that only another fifteen minutes had passed.

"I'm so bored!" Venus finally uttered the obvious, really beginning to miss the guys' presence within the lair. "Stupid Raph," Venus muttered to herself. "Go on, have a girl's night out. It'll be fun!" Venus grumped, mimicking Raphael's voice in contempt. Looking around Mike's room, Venus finally came up with an idea. Staring at the stash of junk food, she did what any other girl would do in her situation; pig out.

Grabbing all the chips she could find, Venus returned to the couch in the living room and turned on the television once again. The mind-numbing amount of reality TV shows soon got the better of her, and Venus surrendered to the boredom and fell asleep.

Hours later, the sounds of bustling voices roused Venus from her slumber. Curious, she opened her eyes in time to see all four male turtles descend the ladder into the lair, though there was someone else with them. Venus swiftly got off the couch to allow room for the unconscious mutant being carried tenderly in Raphael's strong arms. Once the new comer's body had been settled, all five turtles stepped back to observe the sight before them.

She was a female mutant turtle with a plastron similar to Venus', yet that was where the likeness ended. She was considerably taller than the Shinobi, with long, slim green legs that looked like they belonged to a goddess. The seventeen-year-old girl had two slender and dainty fingers and a thumb on each hand, looking as though she kept the nails well manicured. Yet her limbs had an aura of strength, since some nicely toned muscles could also be seen.

The teenager breathed deeply in unconsciousness as the other turtles studied her facial features. Long, blonde locks of golden hair framed her feminine face. She had long eyelashes, though her eye colour couldn't be determined yet because her eyes were closed. Her nose, cheeks and lips were free from the scars of battle, unlike the others who had earned a bodily trophy or two from their near escapes. Leonardo raised an eye-ridge at the blue bandanna she wore, and the two katanas she was equipped with; both still strapped to her carapace.

Looking even closer, the new female turtle had a tiny, tiny birthmark below her right eye, just under the third lash from the corner. The hint of a freckle could be faintly seen at the base of her neck on the left side. An insignificant bead of sweat could be found on her forehead while her long blonde hair was intermixed with five single strands of auburn. Single, neat creases of the skin were seen over her knuckles, and the fingernail of her index finger was ever so slightly longer than that of the others.

After three paragraphs worth of description, the male mutant turtles came to the mind-boggling conclusion that this girl was indeed incredibly beautiful. "How did you find her?" Venus finally asked.

"We saw some people fighting in a side alley while we were driving home. When we checked things out, we found this girl instead," Leonardo explained.

"I still don't understand how she doesn't have any wounds or scratches," Donatello murmured with an eye-ridge raised.

"She has hair…" Venus uttered, feeling more and more like a bald female freak.

"She beautiful!" Michelangelo stated the obvious.

"Gorgeous," Raphael, Donatello and Leonardo whispered simultaneously.

"She has hair," Venus stated again, beginning to feel uncomfortable with herself and her status within the team. As if on cue, the new turtle girl woke up and opened her eyes. She took a moment to look at everyone's faces before beaming a perfect smile.

"H-hi," Donatello barely managed to say since he was so overwhelmed with her attractive appearance.

"Hello," the turtle replied while the guys hung onto every syllable she spoke.

"W-what's your name?" Leonardo uttered like a zombie.

"My name's Mary Sue," Mary said with a smooth, flowing voice. The boys' hearts fluttered while Venus remained indifferent, knowing that life was going to change drastically with another female in the lair.

__

To be continued…


	2. What a Coincidence!

A/N: This chapter will most likely be the most absurd as some writing techniques have been based off the absurdist play, 'The Bald Prima Donna'. I'd also like to thank Arista Niara and Red Turtle with providing me with some extra information concerning the Shredder :)

Chapter Two: What a Coincidence!

Once Leonardo had politely woken up Master Splinter, the entire clan gathered around Mary in awe. Silence entered the room as only quieted stares were being shared. After a certain amount of time, Mary gave everyone a smile, already knowing what their unspoken question was. Taking in a breath, she begin to tell the other turtles about her creation. The males leaned in, completely enthralled in whatever she had to say.

"Years ago, I used to be a normal pet shop turtle," Mary Sue quietly began with bright eyes. Donatello keenly studied her gaze, noticing that her iris' were of an exotic colour, yet he decided to ask her about it once she had finished her exciting tale.

"Really?" Michelangelo blurted out in astonishment.

"We used to be normal turtles too!" Raphael spoke out uncontrollably as well.

"Goodness gracious! How very extraordinary!" Leo, Don, Mike, Raph and Splinter all said simultaneously. Venus simply stood to one side and crossed her arms.

"Yes, and one day, while I was being carried in a glass jar, an accident occurred and I fell into a puddle of glowing ooze," Mary Sue continued her tale.

"How very extraordinary!" All the males said in unison once again.

"We fell into some ooze as well!" Donatello replied, becoming excited.

"I looked at the canister the ooze originated from and read the company abbreviation, TCRI," Mary Sue stated.

"How very extraordinary! What an amazing coincidence. We too were mutated by some ooze from TCRI," the male turtles spoke unanimously.

"Then there must have been a _sixth_ turtle in the jar with us!" Leonardo added on excitedly.

"I simply must not have seen you. Just like how I didn't see Venus," Master Splinter spoke with an apologetic tone.

"You're not very observant, are you?" Venus muttered under her breath while rolling her eyes.

"I was then washed through the storm drains until I was found by none other than a Japanese man called Oroku Saki. I was then taught ninjitsu," Mary continued. The turtles looked at each other and gasped.

"How very extraordinary! How very amazing! And what a strange coincidence!" The males said in unison again.

"You see, Oroku Saki was our greatest enemy," Splinter informed her.

"We also know ninjitsu," Leonardo added proudly.

"Really? How very extraordinary!" Mary Sue stated.

"What a strange coincidence!" Michelangelo said out of habit.

"I'm actually a Shinobi," Venus piped up.

"That's nice Venus," Raphael said monotonously, quickly dismissing her presence. Venus frowned.

"If you don't mind me asking, what Oroku Saki are you referring to?" Donatello wondered.

"Well, I was held hostage by the brother of the Shredder who got decapitated by Leonardo, who in turn was the father of the Saki who was pulled into Dimension X, who was the uncle of the man who was crushed by a garbage truck because of Casey, and the sister of the Shredder who exploded due to combing the Zarnovameter and Eye. I soon found out that she was the niece of the Oroku Saki who was mutated and crushed at the wharves, while his son was spiritually defeated by Venus, who in turn had a grandson also called Oroku Saki, who later died by being decapitated by Leonardo, while his uncle was killed in an explosion on the Foot's ship. Though, naturally, his great, great uncle was the Oroku Saki who was blown up inside the TCRI building, while his great uncle fell off a building and was crushed by a water tower, whose lover was the Shredder who was zapped of energy and thrown in Dimension X , while his nephew was the Oroku Saki who disappeared on the Technodrone, meaning that I'm the daughter of the Oroku Saki who looked remarkably similar to Raphael," Mary Sue summarised without hesitation.

"Who? Not Oroku Saki!?" Michelangelo gasped.

"To which Oroku Saki are you referring?" Mary questioned.

"Why, to Oroku Saki, the son of old Oroku Saki, the other uncle of the Oroku Saki who's just died," Michelangelo stated.

"No, it's not that one. It's another one. It's the Oroku Saki who's the son of old Oroku Saki, the aunt of the Oroku Saki who's just died," Mary Sue corrected.

"Oh! The Oroku Saki who's enemies with us?" Donatello asked, wanting confirmation.

"Yes! _That_ one," Mary said with a beautiful smile.

"Wait, but I thought the Oroku Saki who was blown up on a ship, the Oroku Saki who was crushed by a water tower, the Oroku Saki who was blown up inside TCRI and the Oroku Saki that was decapitated by Leonardo, was the one and the same Oroku Saki," Raphael pondered thoughtfully.

"No… I thought it was the Oroku Saki who was decapitated by Leo and the Oroku Saki who was decapitated by Leo, was the one and the same Oroku Saki," Michelangelo assumed.

"Ah, but Leo decapitated Oroku Saki in the 1980s and in 2003, hence they weren't the one and the same," Donatello corrected.

"Oh yeah… my mistake," Mike admitted.

"So what happened while you were in Oroku Saki's care?" Leonardo asked.

"Oh! It was horrible! I was raped, abused, bashed, molested, slapped, tortured, raped, mutilated, raped, electrocuted, decapitated, drowned, raped, distilled, fertilised, harassed, burned, stalked, scarred, quartered… and raped," Mary Sue stated, trying her best not to cry.

"That's terrible!" the males in the room exclaimed in sympathy. By this time Venus had rolled her eyes so many times that they were close to rolling straight out of her head.

"You're surprisingly mentally stable though…" Don added somewhat as a compliment. Mary Sue nodded while she composed herself, causing Don to notice her right eye's change of colour. "You have very… unique eyes," Donatello tried to compliment again.

"Oh… thank you," Mary Sue said sweetly with another one of her smiles.

"What colour are they?" Raphael asked the question that Donatello was wondering all along.

"Well, my left eye is ruby-sapphire while my right changes colour according to my mood," Mary Sue said while her right eye changed from blue to yellow.

"What colour is ruby-sapphire?" Daontello asked while raising an eye-ridge.

"This colour, silly," Mary Sue answered while pointing to her left eye.

"…Oh…" Donatello uttered after observing the newly invented colour.

"Mary Sue," Splinter addressed her as he stepped forward. "I am sorry to hear about your misfortunes in life and I'll be more than glad to accept you into our home. For now I propose that you share a room with Venus. I am certain she will be more than a good host," Splinter said. Venus opened her mouth to complain but thought against it when she saw the pleading looks from the boys. With that said, Splinter slowly returned to his room in order to rest further. Venus sighed and looked at Mary.

"This way," Venus ordered softly, showing the new female turtle to her room.

"How quaint," Mary Sue commented sweetly when she observed the shelves of scrolls and the small mattress on the floor.

"I'll see if I can find some extra blankets for you," Venus said, trying her best to be polite. She was just about to search through the chest of drawers in her room when the light bulb suddenly died. Venus groaned at her misfortune. "Donny!" Venus called out. In an instant, Donatello appeared at the carriage's door. "Can you get a new bulb please?" Venus asked.

"Oh, don't worry about that. I can fix it," Mary Sue offered kindly. With a click of her fingers, light returned to the room; the bulb shone brighter than ever before. Venus and Donatello stood flabbergasted.

"Um… Do you want to check out my lab?" Donatello finally broke the stunned silence, innocently wanting to know the girl better. Venus could clearly see that he was nervous.

"Why, yes. I'd love to," was Mary's reply. With a large grin on his face, Donatello excitedly led the way. Venus sighed and slid the door shut when the pair had left, wanting some sort of privacy. She didn't know what to feel; having another female around was a new experience for her.

Only five minutes had passed when Venus heard a knock on the door. She opened it and was surprised to see a depressed-looking Donatello. "What happened?!" Venus asked worriedly, allowing him into the room and shutting the door afterwards.

"I no longer have a purpose in life," Donatello said catatonically. Concerned, Venus guided him to the mattress and sat down beside him.

"What do you mean?" Venus asked out of worry.

"She… Mary… She fixed every broken thing in my lab!" Donatello said, dangerously close to tears. "And, and that's not the worst of it! As if fixing everything wasn't enough, she then created all the devices I was thinking of inventing! I have no goals or aims in life anymore!… I don't know what to do with myself," Donatello confessed with a sad tone. Venus wrapped a comforting arm around his shoulder.

"If it makes you feel any better, I must admit that I'm a bit wary of her," Venus said softly. Donatello looked into her eyes to see if she was serious or not.

"Oh no! I'm sure she did it with the best intentions," Donatello said, already sounding more positive. When Venus observed his drastic change in mood, she knew that she was simply thinking too pessimistically.

"You're right. I shouldn't judge Mary when I don't really know her yet," Venus said with a small smile. Donatello nodded slowly before standing up and heading for the door. "Are you going to be alright?" Venus asked.

"Yeah… I just need to rethink a few things… That's all," Donatello said softly while wiping away the tears that were forming in his eyes. With nothing more to say, Don left the room, allowing Venus to ponder in the silence that followed.

To be continued…


	3. I'll Slap Your Flipper

Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles or their Master, however I could probably buy the rights to Venus for $5 :P I do own this version of Mary Sue though.

VestqueX – often does that. As soon as I upload a story, the author alerts get sent out even though the story isn't actually updated on the site yet (I think the site updates every 15 minutes… or so they say).

Raphael-Lover – By hair I mean it like how a human has hair; just on the head… though a completely hairy turtle would be an interesting sight to see!

Rene – Yeah, the absurdists tended to exaggerate or be redundant, mainly to either show the pointlessness of society or life itself. They would sometimes even go one step further and have incredibly long silences or long, dwindling conversations, so much to the point that it annoys and aggravates the audience or forces them to wonder if the play would even continue

Chapter Three: I'll Slap Your Flipper.

Venus yawned and opened her eyes the next morning when she had received enough sleep. To her surprise, Mary wasn't in the room with her. In fact it looked like she hadn't slept in Venus' room at all. Curious and slightly worried, Venus slowly got out of bed and exited the train carriage in an attempt to try and find the other mutant female. A quiet sigh of relief escaped past her lips when she found Mary sitting on the couch watching the television. "Hi Venus," Mary greeted with another one of her beautiful, perfect smiles.

"Hi," Venus muttered in return. "Where did you go last night?" she asked.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Mary questioned.

"Well you didn't come back and sleep in my room," Venus pointed out.

"Oh! I hope I didn't worry you! I slept in Leo's room instead," Mary Sue informed Venus as though nothing was wrong. In an instant, all positive thoughts about Mary were vanquished from Venus' mind; rapidly being replaced with jealous and irritated images. Feeling a surge of rage rippling through her body, she clenched her fists and held them strictly by her sides. Her right eye soon began to twitch. Mary removed her gaze from the TV to look at Venus, causing her to frown for the first time in her life. "What's wrong with your eye?" Mary wondered innocently. Venus didn't respond and continued to glare at the blonde, turtle version of a Barbie – slowly grinding her teeth as she did so.

"Training time! Everybody in the dojo!" Leonardo commanded as he stepped out of his room. A long groan was heard behind Mike's carriage door, yet the announcement didn't bother Venus one bit, mainly because she simply couldn't wait till she taught Mary a lesson or two in combat. Cracking her knuckles in preparation, she followed the others into the room that was set aside solely for training purposes.

Much to her disappointment, Splinter decided to pair Venus up with Raphael, allowing Donatello and Mary to spar together instead. Although the elderly ninja Master had given Leonardo the right to lead the group, Splinter still preferred to have control in the dojo; simply observing the fights rather than participating in them.

Curiosity brewed as Donatello and Mary Sue prepared for their match. Venus, Raphael, Leonardo and Michelangelo sat around the edges of the room, holding their breath in anticipation. With his old eyes gleaming bright, Splinter started the match. "Hajime," the rat commanded.

Donatello didn't even have time to draw out his bo. In an instant, he was flat on his back. Mary Sue hadn't even broken a sweat. "Woah…" Leo, Raph and Mike uttered in complete awe.

"What, what happened?" Leonardo asked, stilled stunned at Mary's awesome skill.

"Oh, I just used my telekinetic powers," Mary Sue said, trying her best not to boast while Venus helped Donatello to his feet.

"Wow! That's so cool!" Mike exclaimed. "Do you have any other powers?" Mike wondered with child-like joy.

"Yes. I can fly, breathe fire, levitate, control water, shoot out bolts of electricity, invisibility, invincibility, invulnerability, teleport, read minds, climb walls, super speed, super strength, have healing abilities, can cause tornadoes and earthquakes, I can control time and I also have x-ray vision," Mary Sue said in one long breath.

"Can you fart fire?" Venus asked cynically.

"Venus…" Splinter warned her.

"I don't know. I've never really tried. But I probably could," Mary Sue answered the question, not realising the sarcastic subtext of the question.

"That's… cool," Mike replied, still trying to take everything in.

"I'm sorry if this came as a shock. I should have told you all earlier," Mary said, feeling slightly guilty. Leo, Mike and Raph's hearts melted at her sorrowful facial expression while Venus and Don simply raised an eye-ridge.

Splinter cleared his throat. "I believe we should continue on with the lesson," he advised his pupils.

"Aww… But I want to see more of her powers!" Michelangelo whined.

"I could spar against her," Venus offered, immediately rising to the challenge with a sly smirk on her face.

"Yeah! Girl on girl action!" Raphael responded with a hoot of excitement.

"As you wish," Splinter relented with a sigh, allowing the two females the opportunity to fight against each other.

"Cat fight, cat fight –" Raphael started chanting. "Cat fight, cat fight, cat fight, cat fight, cat fight-" Michelangelo quickly joined in. "Ow!" They both sounded in unison when Splinter swiftly rapped them over their heads with his walking stick.

"What was that for?" Raphael asked with an irritated tone while he rubbed his aching temple.

"Shh! Have some respect," Splinter lectured.

"Oh, we were only kidding! It's just that we've never seen two females fight before," Raphael argued his explanation for his behaviour.

"Cat fight," Mike managed utter through his fit of excited giggles. He suddenly fell silent when he saw the deadly gaze Venus was giving Mary Sue; like two cowboys before a shoot to the death.

"Hajime!" Splinter abruptly called out, officially commencing the match. With a cruel smile and a surge of anger, Venus hurriedly rushed towards Mary Sue and threw a punch. At first she thought she had hit her target, yet when Venus saw that Mary hadn't moved an inch, she knew something had gone wrong. Angered by the fact that Mary wasn't hurt, Venus tried to punch her in the face again. To her surprise, her fist never made contact with Mary's skin, always bouncing off what seemed to be an invisible barrier.

"What is this?" Venus growled through gritted teeth.

"It's my force field," Mary Sue answered innocently with a girlish giggle. Venus growled at her response and continued to viciously attack Mary over and over again despite the fact that none of her punches and kicks were successful. Quickly becoming bored with the battle, Mary decided it was her turn to go on the offense, however she held a perplexed expression when her kick completely missed; finding Venus standing a few inches away from where she had once thought.

"That was the Prism technique. A Shinobi illusion," Venus said with a snarl, starting to show off her own talents in the hopes that it would impress the boys. Mary simply raised an eye-ridge and shrugged as if it was nothing special; an action which infuriated Venus.

Quick as a flash, Venus caught Mary Sue off guard and managed to grab onto her hair, causing Raph and Mike to whoop and catcall out in excitement. "Ow!" Mary uttered as Venus tugged harshly on her blonde locks.

"Why. Do. You. Have. Hair!?" Venus screamed, enunciating a word upon every pull of Mary's hair. Mary Sue gasped in pain when Venus succeeded in yanking out a large tussock of hair. Venus smiled to herself when she noticed the bald spot she had created. Silence fell between the two as Mary felt her scalp. She furiously slapped Venus across the face after she found the hideous bare patch with her fingers.

"Bitch!" Mary accused, angry at her new uneven hairstyle. The males in the room gasped at the obscenity.

"Pig!" Venus slapped Mary back.

"Cow!" Mary slapped Venus across the face again. Venus was very quick to retaliate.

"Sheep!"

"Goose!"

"Parrot!"

"Galah!"

"Rhino!"

"Hippo!"

"Elephant!"

"Worm!"

"Rat!"

"Turtle!"

Venus gasped in anger at Mary's last call. Failing to think of another derogatory animal, Venus raised her hand and dug into Mary's right arm with her nails. "Slut!" Venus accused, giving everyone in the room a shock that such words could escape from her mouth.

"Duck!" Mary called out in response.

"Wha-?" Venus' thought processors were cut short when she failed to duck down in time to miss Splinter's airborne walking stick. She collapsed to the ground in an unconscious heap.

"Master! Why'd you do that for?" Leonardo asked, shocked at Splinter's brash action.

"They were giving me a headache," Splinter muttered as he slowly walked back towards his bedroom for some much needed rest and meditation.

---------------

"Ow," Venus groaned as she slowly slipped back into the conscious realm. Her head spun with pain as she groggily opened her eyes. After waiting a few minutes for her eyes to adjust, she realised she was in the clinical half of Donatello's bedroom.

"Feeling better?" Don inquired when he noticed she was beginning to stir from her sleep.

"What happened?" Venus asked as she tried to sit up. She hissed in pain to the heavy throbbing in her head, before relenting and lying back down again.

"Splinter punished you for swearing," Donatello calmly answered her question. Venus nodded uncomfortably in acknowledgment. "That fight you had with Mary was very… uh… primal," Donatello said quietly with slight amusement behind his words. Venus let out another groan upon hearing Mary Sue's name. "Want an ice pack?" Don asked, not wanting to dwell further into the topic for the time being. Venus simply nodded once again.

Ten silent minutes passed until Venus felt she had the strength to sit up again. She frowned at all the new objects in his room, obviously created from Mary Sue's meddling. Donatello couldn't help but smile at her irritated expression. He stopped grinning however when Venus gave him a dirty look. Deep down, Don knew that Venus' agitation wasn't based solely around her physical state. "Venus… does it bother you that you're no longer the only female in the clan?" Donatello asked, already knowing that he had hit the nail on the head. Venus gritted her teeth before suddenly giving out a rapid response.

"Oh no, Mary doesn't bother me one bit. I mean, it's nice to know there's another female mutant turtle in the world for the species sake. I don't mind working harder to get the man I want, even though she has massive advantages over me because she has perfect teeth, hair, eyes, legs and more voluptuous breasts. I'll just have to slave away and work hard, just like the rest of the average population in this country; just trying to ignore the ignorant, instantly talented and gifted people who can easily get further ahead in life because of their damn good looks. I am twice as smart as that Barbie doll of a turtle, and I'll just have to work my ass off from now on in order for Leonardo to even notice me, which doesn't really matter since I've been working hard all my life in order to get where I am, despite the fact that Mary probably got ahead in less time because she's so friggin' perfect! No, NO IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME AT ALL!" Venus rambled, getting angrier and faster as she went on.

"Wow…" Donatello whispered in amazement at how quickly Venus had developed a psychological disorder. The two turtles fell into a long silence as Don tried to take in everything that was said within Venus' rapid comments. He was snapped out of his deep thoughts when he saw some tears starting to emerge from Venus' average brown eyes. Feeling sorry and shy at the same time, he timidly brought Venus into a hug so she had a shoulder to cry on.

"I can't compete with her…" Venus said with a muffled whisper.

"Why do you say that?" Don wondered quietly, carefully releasing her from his gentle hug.

"I just… I'm not as pretty as she is. Why would Leo pick me over her?" Venus said almost inaudibly. She sniffled and reached for the nearby tissue box while Donatello tried to absorb all the facts.

"So you like Leo then?" Donatello asked, even though it was more of a reluctant statement.

"…Yes," Venus finally admitted her feelings. Donatello simply sighed at her answer.

"Well… have you told him that?" Donatello wondered.

"…I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not that simple," Venus answered softly.

"I understand," Donatello admitted after a few moments, knowing from personal experience how hard it could be. He looked away from Venus' sad gaze and wondered if he should tell the truth about the matter. Don bit his lip before hurriedly deciding to admit something else instead. "Maybe the rumours are true then," Donatello said almost casually.

"What rumours?" Venus asked, suddenly becoming intrigued.

"I did some research over the Internet. It seems that Mary Sue is in fact a horrible phenomenon," Donatello tried to explain.

"What?" Venus tried to grasp what Donatello was trying to say.

"Well, it's not the first time she's done something like this. Mary's in fact done everything from helping the Fellowship with the Ring to defeating enemies in galaxies far, far away with a light sabre," Donatello said.

"What are you getting at?" Venus asked, trying her best to understand.

"Well, from what I've read, I suppose she's like a Trojan Horse. She sneaks in unnoticed to a fandom and slowly begins to infect anyone and anything around her," Donatello analysed. Venus simply raised an eye-ridge at Don's computer analogy.

"Like a Trojan Horse?" Venus said, slightly amused.

"Oh, forget what I said! Listen, all I know is that she's bad news and that we need to get rid of her as soon as possible," Donatello laid down the facts. A broad smile proudly formed on Venus' face.

"So I'm not going crazy! Mary Sue really is untrustworthy," Venus said. Donatello could only smile.

"We'll get rid of her together then," Don said, forming a pact. "It won't be easy though and I still have a lot of research to do," he warned.

"We can do it," Venus said with a determined tone.

"Well, at least Mary Sue's don't sound half as bad as… well, you know," Don said, suddenly confusing Venus once again.

"As what?" she asked simply enough.

"…You know," Don generalised again.

"…No… I don't know," Venus said, getting more and more confused. Donatello moved in closer so he could whisper something in her ear.

"Insertion," he uttered as quietly as possible.

"Insertion?"

"Insertion," he confirmed. Venus' eye-ridges furrowed.

"…Gross!" Venus commented, giving Don a filthy look.

"What?" It was Donatello's turn to be confused.

"Insertion!"

"Wait… What type of insertion are you thinking of?" Donatello wondered.

"Well… you know…" Venus said, getting worried. Don remained silent. "Well what type were you thinking of?!" Venus asked, raising her voice.

"Well, I think I can assure you that it's not the same type of insertion…"

"I hope not."

"You need to get your head out of the gutter, Venus," Don said casually.

"Then what ARE you talking about then!?" Venus asked, beginning to get annoyed.

"I'm talking about Author Insertion!" Donatello said sharply. As soon as the words toppled out, Don quickly covered his mouth with his hands. "Oh no! I've summoned her!" Don uttered fearfully.

"Summoned who?" Venus asked, becoming fearful as well. The two turtles moved to the door of the carriage and observed the seventeen-year-old girl standing in the living room.

To be continued…


	4. The Dog and the Ox

Author's Note: Any similarities regarding pen names is purely coincidental. Also, this story is rated PG-13, meaning that some things had to be edited out of this chapter so that the rating doesn't have to be changed :P

Chapter Four: The Dog and the Ox.

"Who is she?" Venus asked as she and Donatello continued to watch the teenager in the living room from the safety of the train carriage.

"Ninjalara," Donatello answered briefly.

"Ninjara? The fox lady?" Venus misheard the information. Donatello simply rolled his eyes.

"No, Ninja-Lara," Don corrected, sounding out both halves of the name. "She's a fanfiction author," Don added.

"Oh!" Venus exclaimed as though everything she had heard had just clicked together inside her mind. "Would she be able to help us?" Venus suddenly asked, formulating an alliance in her head. Donatello hummed in thought and crossed his arms.

"Possibly. Then again, it's an author's job to complicate problems in order to drag out and eventually form a resolution. I don't know. Sometimes authors cause more problems than they solve," Donatello warned her, though Venus took no real notice of his recommendation. "Then again, Ninjalara does frequently pair you up with Leonardo-". That was all Venus needed to hear before she took up the initiative to approach Ninjalara. "-Except in her fic 'The Right Guy'…" Donatello muttered to himself before sighing, wishing he could have completed his sentence sooner. With a heavy heart, he followed Venus and trudged up to the teenage girl in the living room.

Ninjalara stared at the two turtles while they stared back. She blinked, causing the turtles to blink as well. Ninjalara then pinched her arm just for the sake of it, earning herself a quizzical look from Donatello in the process. "Are you alright?" Don asked as an amused smirk started to spread across his face. Ninjalara nodded numbly.

"I think so…" Ninjalara replied. Don and Venus looked at her weirdly while they realised and deciphered her strong accent. Hearing a noise from behind them, they all turned to see Mary Sue enter the room. After having a brief look of confusion, Mary quickly covered her expression with that of friendliness. Eyes opening wide with fear, Don and Venus didn't give Mary the chance to say a single word; clumsily grabbing Ninjalara by the wrist and pulling her back into Donatello's room, shutting the sliding door behind them.

"Phew! That was close!" Venus gasped with fear.

"…Did I just see a turtle with hair?" Ninjalara asked more to herself than to anyone else in the room. Her eyebrows furrowed as she silently studied the inventions in Don's room. "Wow… This is just like the movie 'Adaptation'," Ninjalara commented once again to herself.

"We have a problem," Venus stated, wanting to get straight to business.

"I'm in New York, aren't I?" Ninjalara suddenly realised that she had just traveled halfway around the world in less than a second.

"Her name's Mary Sue," Donatello said, hoping for some kind of response from the author.

"I've always wanted to go to New York," Ninjalara muttered to herself, still completely absorbed in her surroundings.

"Are you even listening?" Don asked, starting to get annoyed.

"Visit Times Square, Statue of Liberty, be an audience member on Oprah… I could win a car," Ninjalara continued to ignore the two turtles while she figured out what to do with herself.

"Will you look at me!?" Don said sharply. He immediately got Ninjalara's attention. A moment of quiet tension passed through the room as Ninjalara slowly took in the fact that she was standing in front of two mutant turtles. Don and Venus both raised an eye-ridge. "You know, for a ninja turtle fan, you're not taking this too well," Don said quietly, feeling as though he would scare the author off if he spoke any louder. A wave of calmness suddenly swept through Ninjalara as she finally accepted the reality of the situation.

"Why? Would you prefer me to jump up and down and scream in excitement about the fact that I'm meeting my favourite comic book characters in person?" Ninjalara asked with an amused yet pleased grin on her face. Donatello frowned.

"Point taken," he answered bluntly.

"We need your help," Venus suddenly stepped forward with renewed hope.

"With what?"

"We have a Mary Sue," Venus answered ruefully. Ninjalara sucked in a deep breath as though she didn't know how to handle the news. After taking in the information, she looked them both in the eye.

"Is she incredibly beautiful?" Ninjalara asked, assessing the seriousness of the situation.

"Yes," Venus and Don both answered.

"Very," Don added, earning himself a slap on the arm from Venus.

"Does she have a number of talents such as being skilled in the Martial Arts and the gift to fix things?" Ninjalara asked.

"Yes," both turtles answered simultaneously again.

"She even fixed the kitchen sink," Don added, trying to be helpful.

"Does she have super powers?"

"Yes!"

"Does she have a past filled with wangst?"

"You mean angst?" Don questioned.

"No, I mean wangst," Ninjalara remained firm. Both turtles nodded in answer to her question. "Is she suicidal or rebellious in a cool way?" This time Don and Venus shook their heads. "Good, then not all is lost," Ninjalara said, finishing her assessment.

"So you can help us!?" Venus sounded hopeful.

"…I dunno. Mary Sues are hard to get rid of. You can't simply kill them off cause that would make the story even more Mary Sueish!" Ninjalara stated the problem. "You can only destroy them with originality."

"So… be original," Don said simply.

"I can't!"

"Why not?"

"Because Mary Sue has already cast a spell on me," Ninjalara sighed.

"What spell?" Venus asked, thinking that her Shinobi training could help to overcome the problem.

"Writer's Block," Ninjalara answered quietly. "You see, Mary Sues just sort of happen; they disguise themselves as original characters at first, but as the story continues, they slowly but surely zap all the creativity out of the author's mind until the plot is cliché," Ninjalara tried her best to explain her situation.

"Is there a cure for Writer's Block?" Don wondered, starting to panic. Ninjalara nodded.

"Time. Writer's Block can only be overcome with time," Ninjalara stated.

"So what do we do for the time being?" Venus also started to panic.

"Observe Raphael," the girl said, managing to confuse both Venus and Donatello.

"What does any of this have to do with Raph?" Don asked with a puzzled expression.

"Raphael is a good indicator in determining how badly a Mary Sue has infected a story. If he starts acting out of character, like being incredibly open with his feelings or is experiencing the stupid emotions and actions associated with puppy-love, then I'm afraid I won't be able to redeem your family," Ninjalara gave them the grim news. Venus and Don nodded slowly in understanding, finally seeing the seriousness of their predicament.

"Dinner's ready!" the trio heard Leo call from outside the room.

"Dinner?" Venus questioned, wondering where the time went.

"You were unconscious at lunch," Don reminded her.

"Oh… How could I forget?" Venus muttered darkly, remembering her fight with Mary Sue. With nothing else to say about the matter, the two turtles and the human slowly exited Don's room and moved towards the kitchen table. The alluring smell of pizza filled their nostrils as they sat down in preparation to eat. Not long after, Michelangelo, Mary and Raphael also emerged from their rooms. Raphael, completely oblivious, almost reached his seat before he jumped in shock when he finally noticed Ninjalara sitting next to him.

"Who the hell are you!?" Raphael hissed, partly surprised at the human's presence.

"Raph, this is Ninjalara. Ninjalara, this is Raph," Don quickly introduced them. Raising a wary eye-ridge, Raph slowly moved forward and joined the rest of the family at the table.

"So, do you have any super powers?" Mary asked the first question aimed towards the newcomer.

"I can make junk food disappear. Does that count?" Ninjalara wondered.

"Wow, you have the same super powers as Mike," Raphael commented flatly.

"You're not from these parts, are you?" Leonardo asked, once he'd heard Ninjalara's voice.

"Is it that obvious?" Ninjalara questioned, feeling self-conscious.

"So what's England like?" Mike asked.

"England?"

"You're from England, aren't you Ninjalara?" Mike said, getting confused.

"Just because I have an accent, it doesn't automatically make me from England," Ninjalara commented. "I'm from Australia, and you're free to call me Lara if you want," Lara said, starting to become bothered with all the attention she was getting. It annoyed Mary Sue as well.

"Why? Did you finally realise that you're not a ninja?" Raphael asked with a cruel smile on his lips. Lara frowned and didn't answer his rhetorical question. "I bet your real name isn't even Lara," Raph added. The girl could only give him a cheeky smile in response. Silence quickly filled the room as the conversation ran dry. Raphael smirked when he saw Lara's perplexed facial expression as she tried to eat the unusually floppy New York style pizza. Thinking he should give the girl a chance, Raphael asked a genuine question. "You're a ninja turtle fan, right?" Raph started. Lara nodded while she chewed. "So what turtle do you root for?"

Lara suddenly gave Raph a dirty look, causing him to wonder what he had said wrong. Donatello carefully leaned towards Raphael so he could whisper an explanation. "Raph, in Australia, the word 'root' means 'sex'," Don said quietly.

"Good thing I didn't ask her if she wanted a root beer then," Mike interrupted their brief conversation with a whisper. Feeling awkward, silence quickly entered the room again. Mary suddenly smiled and immediately grabbed the attention of all the males in the room, causing her to grin even wider in success – she had their full attention now.

"Do you know of any good stories Mary?" Mike asked.

"A couple, yes," Mary Sue said modestly with another one of her beautiful and gentle smiles.

"Oh do tell! I love a good tale!" Mike said, leaning in towards her. Leo and Raph did the same, really curious in what she had to say.

"Very well, then," Mary Sue began once she had cleared her throat. "The Dog and the Ox. An experimental fable. Once upon a time, another ox asked another dog a question. 'Why haven't you swallowed your trunk?' 'I beg your pardon' replied the dog, 'I always thought I was an elephant'."

"What is the moral?" Venus asked, scrutinising Mary's story.

"It's for you to discover it," Mary Sue replied sweetly.

"Tell us a different one," Leonardo requested, loving every moment of her previous story.

"A young calf had eaten too much ground glass. As a result he had to be confined. He gave birth to a cow. But as the calf was a boy, the cow couldn't call him 'mother'. She couldn't say 'father' to him, either, as he wasn't big enough. So the calf was obliged to get married to a certain young person, and the registry office made all the arrangements dictated by the current conventions," Mary Sue told the story with a dramatic tone of voice.

"That's interesting!" Leonardo approved.

"I've heard that one before," Lara muttered, becoming jealous of Mary Sue's advanced story telling abilities.

"Of course you have. It is a true story after all," Mary Sue charmed her audience.

"Another!" Raph, Leo and Mike begged. Donatello groaned, knowing that he was losing more and more brain cells by the minute.

"The Bouquet. Once upon a time a gentleman took his fiancee some flowers and she thanked him for them. But before she had the time to thank him, he took back the flowers he'd just given her, to teach her a good lesson, and as he took them away, he walked off in two directions at once," Mary Sue said.

"Charming!" Leonardo praised once again.

"Absolutely delightful!" Raphael admired. Donatello could have sworn he heard a few brain cells pop.

"Another!" Mike requested. Lara, Venus and Don groaned as Mary took in a deep breath so she could start another one of her tall tales.

EDIT

Not knowing what had just happened, the turtles stared at each other with stunned expressions. Master Splinter was now sitting at the table and all the pizza was gone. Confused, they all looked to Ninjalara for an explanation. "What just happened?" Raph asked the obvious.

"I had to edit out a few things because it would be rated NC-17," Lara answered.

"So… what just happened," Raph asked again.

"Well, I can't say, because even telling you what happened would be rated NC-17," Lara replied.

"So whatever we did just then would be rated NC-17," Don wanted a confirmation, starting to freak out.

"Yes, though for you it would seem like a mysterious jump ahead in time," Ninjalara pointed out.

"What a lie! You're a liar! We didn't do anything of that sort. You just wanted to cut out my next wonderful story because you're jealous that I had Leo's full attention," Mary Sue accused, standing up from her seat in outrage.

"Why would I be jealous?" Lara asked, acting like she had no idea of what Mary was talking about.

"Because you're a Leonardo fan!" Mary Sue said.

"What!?" Venus uttered in surprise. Anger quickly took over as she absorbed the fact that she had another competitor. Her eye quickly began to twitch soon after. Everyone stared at Venus because of her outburst.

"What's wrong with your eye?" Lara asked, slightly worried. Venus gritted her teeth in response.

"What's with all girls wanting _Leo_?" Raphael muttered jealously to himself. A lengthy silence soon followed. Not knowing what to say, Mary Sue sat back down in her seat. All of a sudden, Raphael let out a little burp.

"Raphael! Mind your manners!" Splinter was quick to tell him off, wanting his son's best behaviour in front of the guests.

Raphael simply shrugged. "Better out than in," he responded. After hearing his reasoning, Lara let out the burp she was holding; slightly louder than Raphael's. Accepting the challenge, Raphael burped again, louder this time. Lara was quick to respond with an even louder burp. Raphael then burped as loud as he could. Lara frowned and eyed the bottle of soda on the table. She grabbed a glass and drank some of the fizzy liquid, before unleashing a more powerful burp. Raphael did the same. Michelangelo suddenly joined in the burping contest, producing a burp that was well in contention. Frustrated, Raphael opened his mouth and sounded out all the gas that was in his stomach. Venus, Splinter, Don and Leo covered their noses in disgust. Then, without warning, Mary Sue did a burp of her own. It was so loud that gale force winds were produced. Furniture was flung around, windows were smashed and Venus' braided bandanna came undone. It was obvious who the winner was.

"Well, that ends our fun," Lara said with an annoyed tone.

EDIT

Stunned once again, the turtles tried to notice the subtle changes. The soda bottle was now empty, Ninjalara was wearing a different pair of jeans, and Don and Mike had swapped bandannas. "Was that another NC-17 ratings glitch?" Don asked. Lara simply nodded.

"I bet it wasn't," Mary Sue accused again. "Do you have a plot outline?" Mary asked Lara.

"Yes. I write plot outlines for all my stories," Lara said modestly.

"I'd like to see it. I want to see if anything rated NC-17 ever happened," Mary requested.

"I can't show you," Lara replied as calmly as she could.

"Why not?"

"Because it's not good for you to know what happens in your future," Lara answered, knowing that Mary would most likely read the whole thing through.

EDIT

Everyone in the room blinked in silence. Mike was still wearing Don's bandanna, while Don was wearing Venus'. Leo and Raph had swapped both bandannas and belts while Venus was holding Mary's twin katanas. Lara was wearing Mary's blue bandanna while Michelangelo's orange accessories were laid out neatly on the table. Venus and Mary frowned, feeling odd and partly naked for not wearing a bandanna at all. Splinter simply sat back and scratched his head in confusion.

"I don't think I wanna know what just happened," Raphael verbalised what everyone else was thinking.

All of a sudden, a low, thundering roar could be heard echoing around the sewer walls. One by one, ten human girls lowered themselves into the lair, jumping enthusiastically down the ladder. Lara smiled at all the newcomers. The author got up to greet and shake their hands while the mutants behind her gave her a look that they wanted an explanation.

"Guys, I'd like you to meet some ninja turtles fans I found off the street. This is Leonardo-Fan, LeonardoFan, LeOnArDo-fan, LeOnArDo-FaN, LeOnArDoFaN, Fan-of-Leonardo, FanofLeonardo, IamLeonardo, FaNofLeOnArDo, and I-Love-Leonardo-So-Much-That-I-Want-To-Marry-Him-And-Have-All-Of-His-Cute-Widdle-Babies," Lara said, finishing her introduction of all ten newcomers.

"She's cloning herself!" Raphael whispered fearfully into Donatello's ear. Venus' eye started to twitch again when all the fangirls ran forwards to surround and smother Leonardo.

To be continued…


	5. Get Away

Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles or Splinter. I do own myself, Mary Sue and the fangirls. I also don't own Chris Franklin's 'Bloke' or Harold Pinter's absurdist play, 'The Dumb Waiter'.

Author's Note: Sorry for the slightly late update. My mum has only just discovered the 'magic' of the Internet… Too bad she can't remember how to use the back button! The good news is, however, that I have just experienced my last day at school ever and I've got a few weeks holiday before I have some major evil exams. So I'm hoping to finish this very soon.

Colorado Kid - :raises champagne glass: To the death of Mary Sues!

Red Turtle – Thanks for helping with the Shredder stuff once again. I really appreciate it!

Rene – Yeah, root really does mean that in Australia. It depends what context it's used in though, 'cause it can also mean 'origin' eg; root of my problems. I originally didn't intend on having the fangirls look like me. It really depends on how you interpret Raph's comment; whether he means it literally or whether he's simply using it as an expression that the Leo fans just keep coming. But yeah, if you want, they can all look like me, after all I need all the originality I can get! The bottom line is that I can't be bothered writing three paragraphs worth of description for each of them!

Chapter Five: Get Away.

Sunday afternoon…

Raphael crossed his arms and pouted, trying his best not to get angry with Lara. Since the girl was still considered a guest in the lair, Splinter had ordered that she could have control over the television, much to Raph's annoyance. The turtle eyed her while she carefully glossed through the television guide in the hopes that she could find something decent to watch. "What time is it?" Lara finally asked.

"Five minutes to six," Raph growled while he stared at the clock on the wall.

"Oh, so I should start looking for shows beginning at six o'clock?" Lara asked rhetorically while she flicked back to the front page of the novel length TV guide. Raphael groaned in disbelief.

"Why are you taking so damn long?" Raph cried out in agony, desperately waiting for Lara to pick a channel.

"I only have five stations to choose from at home," Lara explained as she glossed through the booklet again.

"Five? How do you survive?" Raphael exclaimed out of pure shock. All of his built up anger seemed to dissipate into the atmosphere when Mary Sue sat down on the couch beside him. "Hi Mary," Raph greeted with an uncharacteristic excited smile. His face returned to normal when she didn't respond. "What's wrong?" he finally asked. Mary Sue pointed to the scene behind her. Curious, Raphael turned around in time to see Leo sprint across the lair in an attempt to lose the endless trail of fangirls.

"Squee!" the fanbrats annoyingly squealed in delight as they chased their favourite turtle. "LeOnArDo is Da HAWTNESS!1!1!1!" they each cheeped in turn, abusing the use of exclamation marks in the process. Raphael simply rolled his eyes while Mary Sue sighed in sadness. Both of the turtles turned around just in time to see Venus get bowled over by Leonardo's fanbase. Raph watched in silence as Venus growled, picked herself off the floor, and stormed into Donatello's room.

"I can't take it anymore!" Venus screamed at Don.

"Take what?" Don asked casually as he flicked through his daily newspaper.

"LeO!1! You r so funny! LOL!" Venus and Don heard the adolescent squeals being emitted from the living room.

"That!" Venus said after finding the perfect example.

"Did I just hear the expression 'LOL' used in dialogue?" Don wondered in disbelief.

"Fangirls, Mary Sues, Author inserts. What next!" Venus complained. Donatello was about to open his mouth to answer her question, but Venus covered his mouth with a hand. "Don't summon anything!" Venus warned him. "We have to get rid of those fanbrats and Mary as soon as possible," Venus started to scheme.

"What about Ninjalara?" Don wondered. Venus simply shrugged.

"But it's rare to find an author who remotely likes me," Venus defended.

"Next Mutation writer or not, she still managed to crash my computer earlier today, and therefore she must go as well," Donatello complained. Venus frowned at him and Don started to feel sympathetic.

"Fine, she can stay. But _only_ if she can help us," Don tried to strike a deal. His proposal caused Venus to smile. Seeing that she was satisfied for the time being, Don returned to reading the newspaper.

"Wow! What about this? Listen to this!" Don referred to the paper in his hands. "A man of eighty-seven wanted to cross the road. But there was a lot of traffic, see? He couldn't see how he was going to squeeze through. So he crawled under a lorry."

"A what?" Venus asked, seemingly interested.

"He crawled under a lorry. A stationary lorry."

"No?" Venus stated in disbelief.

"The lorry started and ran over him."

"Go on!"

"That's what it says here."

"Get away."

"It's enough to make you want to puke, isn't it?"

"Who advised him to do a thing like that?" Venus wondered.

"A man of eighty-seven crawling under a lorry!"

"It's unbelievable."

"It's down here in black and white."

"Incredible." Venus said with diminishing feelings. Silence filled the room as Venus started to think about her problems again. "I mean, who does she think she is? Thinking she's absolutely gorgeous and that she can have any male turtle she sets her eyes on. Doesn't she know that it's first in, first serve?" Venus started complaining again while Donatello groaned at the never-ending topic of Mary Sue.

"The fangirls are worse," Don muttered as he continued to flick through the newspaper.

"There's only room for one main female character in this series, and that's either me or April O'Neil!" Venus continued her rant, ignoring Don's comment. "I want to shove so much carbon up her ass that she'll be coughing up diamonds for weeks!" Venus said spitefully.

"I think she can already do that," Don muttered again. Some coughing noises were heard coming from the living room. Sure enough, Mary was spewing up diamonds.

"Do it again!" Mike said excitedly, wanting the female turtle to repeat the party trick. Venus groaned in annoyance. Donatello gasped out loud as he read the newspaper.

"What's that?" Venus wondered, feigning interest.

"A child of eight killed a cat!"

"Get away."

"It's a fact. What about that, eh? A child of eight killing a cat!

"How did he do it?"

"It was a girl," Don corrected.

"How did she do it?"

"She-" Don studied the newspaper further. "It doesn't say."

"Why not?"

"Wait a minute. It just says – 'Her brother, aged eleven, viewed the incident from the toolshed'."

"Go on!"

"That's bloody ridiculous," Don stated. A rather long silence followed. Don sighed, glad he could get Venus' mind off Mary Sue for once. For reasons unknown to him, he enjoyed Venus' presence.

"I bet he did it," Venus finally spoke.

"Who?"

"The brother."

"I think you're right," Don commented. Another long silence followed. Not really knowing what to say, Don kept on talking needlessly. "What about that, eh? A kid of eleven killing a cat and blaming it on his little sister of eight! It's enough to-"

"-Why does she have to like Leonardo though?" Venus whined with jealousy.

"Who? Mary, Lara or the fangirls?" Don started to get confused. Venus thought for a little while.

"…Mary Sue," Venus finally decided who she was referring to. Donatello groaned upon hearing the topic for the umpteenth time that day.

"Why don't you just tell him!" Don hypocritically suggested, slightly raising his voice.

"I can't!" Venus replied quickly.

"Then at least tell Mary!" Don made another suggestion.

"That's beside the point. I was here first, therefore Mary Sue should have enough courtesy to seek my approval before she decides to date any of you. You're my guys! MY GUYS!" Venus raised her voice in defiance. Donatello gave her a blank look while he tried to comprehend her logic.

"You know, maybe someone else other than Leonardo likes you," Don tried to drop a hint.

"Who? Raph? But Raphael hates me," Venus thought out loud.

"Well, maybe not Raph…" Don said as he dropped subliminal messages.

"I know that Michelangelo has a crush on me…" Venus said. "But he's not my type," she followed up. "I guess there's no one else but Leo," Venus' thinking processes went full circle, as though she had tunnel vision.

"Yeah… no one else," Don muttered sadly while he started to blush. He buried his head back into his newspaper. It wasn't long till he found another story. "Listen to this," Don spoke, though this time there wasn't any hint of enthusiasm in his voice. "What about that, eh? Have you ever heard such a thing?"

"Go on!" Venus urged dully.

"It's true."

"Get away."

"It's down here in black and white."

"Is that a fact?" Venus breathed out in a low, disinterested whisper.

"Can you imagine it," Don stated monotonously in routine.

"It's unbelievable."

"It's enough to make you want to puke, isn't it?"

"Incredible," Venus said almost inaudibly.

The rather loud tune of Chris Franklin's song 'Bloke' abruptly started to fill lair. Disturbed from his reading, Donatello tossed his newspaper aside.

EDIT

"Lara!" Donatello yelled in annoyance.

EDIT

"What?" Lara replied from the living room.

EDIT

"Turn off that music!" Don called out angrily again as he grumpily trudged to the door of his room. He crossed his arms when he spotted Ninjalara mucking around with a stereo.

EDIT

"Why? I'm trying to do a songfic!" was Lara's response, trying to yell over the loud music floating through the background.

EDIT

"Songfic?" Donatello suddenly became confused.

EDIT

"Well I _was_ trying to do a songfic, until I had to use my 'magical' powers as an author and travel back in 'time' in order to correct a rather fatal mistake," Lara said while she pretended that she was more powerful than she really was through using a series of euphemisms. Don gave her a blank look.

"Huh?"

Lara sighed, knowing that her explanation was too subtle… or over glorified. Frowning, she turned off the stereo and crossed her arms out of frustration. "The website that I'm posting this story on made a rule against posting song lyrics. If caught, then my account would have been terminated. So since I had already published this fic, I had to re-upload this particular chapter in order to avoid getting punished by this new rule," the author explained it fully.

"Oh… So those weren't NC-17 edits just then?"

"No those were real edits. Songfic edits," Ninjalara clarified.

"Real edits? Were there ever any fake ones?" Donatello wondered, confused by her choice of words.

"Never mind," Lara muttered. Suddenly, much to Donatello's surprise, Ninjalara pulled a large paper scroll out of one of the pockets on her jeans and started to write a message. Raising an eye-ridge, he patiently waited for the teenager to stop jotting down her notes. He looked on with mild surprise when Ninjalara suddenly tore off her message and stuck it like a banner on one of the sewer lair's grimy walls. Curious, Donatello stepped out of his room so he could read what was written.

'A/N: This is actually true. Originally I had the song lyrics written throughout the dialogue. Unfortunately the song I quoted from wasn't that popular worldwide so I don't know if you'll have much luck looking it up on the web. Seeing that I had to edit out a few jokes, I might have to post the original version of this fic elsewhere.'

"Why'd you do that?" Don questioned when he'd finished reading the message.

"Do what?"

"Post your notes there," Don muttered while ungratefully pointing to the new poster.

"I thought it looked pretty there," Lara said with a shrug.

"But (A/N: Hehe, he said butt :P) Author's Notes are supposed to (A/N: My cat's breath smells like cat food) be posted (A/N: Don can be my pinup boy any day XD) at the end of a chapter (A/N: Although I also like to post my Author's Notes at the beginning as well). Otherwise (A/N: Yeesh! Don never shuts up!) they become (A/N: I wrote DiS st0ry on a sugAr h1gh! WEEEE! Haha hehe!11!1!one!1!one!eleven!11!) _really_ annoying (A/N: Okay… I ran out of ideas for what to write for this one…) and distracting (A/N: NYAH! Na Duh!)! STOP (A/N: Oooh! He's resorting to CAPITALISATION now! I'm soooo scared :P) INTERRUPTING (A/N: Did you know that Microsoft Word doesn't pick up on spelling mistakes with fully capitalised words? Weird, huh?) ME!" Donatello screamed towards the end of his complaint.

"Okay! Okay! I'll stop doing it and wait till the end of the chapter!" Lara finally gave in to his demands. Don grunted in reply. There was a long pause as though no one really knew what to say next. It wasn't long till the author sighed. "See, now I'm in a bit of a pickle," Lara murmured while she looked at her fingernails.

"How come?" Although Donatello was still annoyed at being attacked with Author's Notes, he still was curious enough to ask the question.

"Well now I've got to join up this new scene with the old one," Lara sighed, quite flustered.

"Well that shouldn't be too hard," Don commented, slowly going back to his old self. There was another long pause as though nothing was really planned. Don rubbed his lips together out of anxiousness while he wondered when Ninjalara was going to get on with the story.

"I need a reason to leave," Lara suddenly said, causing Don to jump out of his bored state.

"Why? Is it needed to fit in with what happens in the future?" Don wondered.

"Yeah. Like I need to find a reason to leave, so then Venus can come running out of your room in desperation and then grab my arm, begging me not to go," Lara explained her situation in more detail.

"Oh! Um, okay," Don finally understood what was needed. "Maybe you need to go to the toilet?" Don suggested. Lara rolled her eyes.

"A reason to leave the lair!" Ninjalara said when she found Donatello's idea rather boring and plain.

"Okay… Well… There's a hotdog stand outside, just near one of the manholes," Don said. Ninjalara frowned and stared the turtle for a lengthy amount of time. The girl then sighed.

"Meh. Good enough," Lara shrugged. "Okay! I'm going out for hotdogs!" the author announced to the world before starting to walk away.

"Wait! Don't go!" Venus called out. The female turtle ran out, grabbed the author by the wrist and pulled her back into Don's room. "Have you thought up a way to get rid of Mary Sue?" Venus asked anxiously.

"I'm doing what now?" Lara replied, quite confused.

"Yesterday you said that you could help us in trying to defeat Mary Sue," Venus reminded her.

"…Yeah…" Lara pretended that she had remembered what she had promised.

"So…" Venus urged the girl on, wondering if a solution had been reached.

"Um… I need more time… otherwise if I don't do it properly, then Mary Sue will curse your family forever," Lara started off her answer slowly, before quickly blackmailing the two turtles. "I need to do some relaxing activities… to think," Lara continued to make up excuses.

"Like what?" Don, completely desperate, fell for her bluff.

"Well… I recently got my Learner's License. I wouldn't mind practicing my driving in the Hummer," Lara started. "Leo can be my teacher!" she finished announcing her demands with a proud and manipulative smile on her face. "You should really get that eye seen to by a doctor," Lara commented with concern when she noticed Venus' eye twitch again.

Donatello sighed. "I'll go find him then," he relented. The purple-wearing turtle ambled into the living room and slowly waded through the masses of Leo fans. He stopped in fright when he finally reached the kitchen. There, in front of him, Mary and Leonardo were passionately kissing. Don felt his heart fill with sorrow for Venus' sake, knowing that her fight for his love was now lost. He cleared his throat and hoped that he could break the couple up quickly in case Venus happened to follow him through to the kitchen. "Um… Leo," Don awkwardly said as a part of himself wanted to respect their privacy.

"Hmm…" Leo hummed back in response, breaking off the kiss a few seconds later.

"Would you be able to give Ninjalara a driving lesson?" Don requested.

"Yeah, sure."

"Can I come too?" Mary asked seductively. Leonardo's only answer was an aroused smile, causing Donatello to feel sick on the inside.

"I'll come as well," Venus invited herself along as she battled to get through the group of fangirls. Donatello wondered if she had witnessed the kiss between Leo and Mary, but since her eye hadn't exploded yet through repetitive strain injury, he figured she hadn't. Yet the thought and need to tell her still gnawed on the inside of his conscience, though as painful as it was to see her scramble for Leo's heart, he made a judgment call and believed it would be more excruciating at this point in time if he told the truth of the matter at hand.

"Can lyke, we come 2?" the fanbrats begged and squealed while batting their eyelashes.

"There's not enough room!" Venus snapped at them all.

* * *

"Make a left here," Leonardo instructed as Ninjalara stressfully took control of the turtle's mode of transport. 

"I love your bandanna," Mary Sue whispered into Leo's ear as she leaned forward from her position in the back seat. She intimately reached and felt one of his bandanna tails as a simple sign of affection. Venus' eye twitched once again as she viewed the act from the other seat in the back. Jealous, Venus leaned forward and yanked Leo's other bandanna tail.

"I like it too!" Venus said more sharply than she had intended.

"Ow! Girls, knock it off!" Leo cried out when he was sick of getting his mask viscously pulled by the two competitive females. Mary and Venus both backed off for a moment while the Hummer slowly drifted over to the wrong side of the road. "We drive on the right," Leo corrected as he grabbed the steering wheel and corrected Ninjalara's mistake.

"Sorry," Lara quickly replied as her eyes darted around the road stressfully.

"How many lessons have you had?" Leonardo asked while raising an eye-ridge.

"Um… Four," Lara answered quickly again. Leonardo gulped and turned his gaze towards the rearview mirror. He smiled when he saw Mary's face when he angled his head a certain way. Venus pouted and pulled on Mary's hair, yanking her head out of Leonardo's sight. Mary Sue hissed and scratched Venus on the arm. Venus scratched back. Mary slapped her across the face, provoking Venus to strike back once again. They both then tried to slap each other, yet block and protect themselves at the same time, thus only managing to viciously clap each others hands as though it was a game.

"Girls, stop that!" Leo frowned at their immature behaviour while grabbing the steering wheel once again. "We drive on the right," Leo repeated.

"Sorry," Lara stressfully replied.

Mary Sue slyly shifted her position and rested her feet in the space in-between Leo's seat and the passenger side door. Venus pouted when Leo started to affectionately play with Mary's two toes. Getting jealous once again, Venus shoved her feet forward as well; almost kicking Leo in the head as a result. "Venus! I can't see the road!" Leo complained. Mary shoved Venus aside so that her foot no longer blocked Leo's vision. Angry, Venus tried to slap Mary, but she only succeeded in playing the hand clapping game once again. "Girls! Cut it out!" Leo ordered as he pulled on the steering wheel. "WE DRIVE ON THE RIGHT!" Leonardo snapped.

"Sorry," Lara inaudibly muttered.

"Let's just go home," Leo ordered, starting to calm down. Nobody argued with his decision.

Ten agonising minutes later, the Hummer was safely parked back in the garage. Tired and worn out from arguing, the three turtles and the human slowly descended the ladder into the lair. To their utmost surprise, the number of fangirls had tripled, although now something was very different; two-thirds of them were wearing orange.

"Hey guys!" Michelangelo bounded up to them. "Guess what! My fanbase just arrived! You've gotta love these girls!" Mike stated excitedly, pointing to all of his fanbase, clearly doubling the amount of Leo fans. Venus and Lara groaned while Raph stood to the side of the room and glowered with jealousy.

"Squee!1!" the fangirls screamed so loud that it was almost deafening.

To be continued…


	6. Question of Temperament

Raphangela – Before I started writing this, I questioned myself as to whether I should allow reviewers to enter into the fanfic. In the end I decided not to, mainly because the fangirls are heavily stereotyped and are pretty degraded by the other characters. So I fear that if I added people then I could offend them.

Rene – Really? They say that in Young Frankenstein? LOL! It's actually quite ironic that you mentioned Frankenstein (you'll see why later on!). Yeah, driving in another country would freak me out, especially when roundabouts and turns are sort of reversed. For a while I was like Zoolander where I couldn't turn left! But last lesson I went to an empty car park and got my turns fixed up, thankfully! That little plot hole you mentioned has been fixed now : )

Chapter Six: Question of Temperament.

Everyone covered their ears in agony while Mike's fangirls squealed with delight. Completely obsessed, the fanbrats all practically jumped on top of their favourite turtle, and although Venus and Donny cringed with disgust, Mike didn't seem to mind it one bit. Donatello turned to Lara in order to blame her for this, however he changed his mind when he saw her horrified face. Eyes growing wide, Lara's voiced choked up with fear as she started to point towards something else within the lair. Allowing his gaze to follow her outstretched arm and finger, Donatello didn't see anything out of the ordinary at first. Yet when he continued to stare for moments at a time towards the far wall of the lair, his eyes also grew wide with fear.

It started off like a tiny pinprick of light, which slowly grew larger and larger; like a mystical vortex that had suddenly been opened. An ethereal, oval shaped portal had shaped and appeared. It was a rift in time, which started to suck in some objects from the present; an unstable structure that had started to self-collapse. "What is it?!" Donatello yelled his question to Ninjalara while a few of Mike's fangirls and I-Love-Leonardo-So-Much-That-I-Want-To-Marry-Him-And-Have-All-Of-His-Cute-Widdle-Babies were pulled into the vortex, never to return again.

"The Reviewers have spotted a plot hole!" Lara finally managed to say. Not wasting anytime, Ninjalara performed a few crappy stunts while she tried to get closer to the plot hole. Then, without warning, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a long scroll of paper. Grabbing a nearby pen, she began to furiously scribble a message down with fluid handwriting. When she was finished, she tore off what she had written and held the message up against the opening of the plot hole. To all of their amazement, the hole in time began to close; slowly getting smaller and smaller until it was no longer noticeable.

"What did you write?" Donatello finally asked when the commotion died down.

"An Author's Note. Fixes plot holes right up!" Lara explained with a small smile.

"Why did it appear? What caused it?" Leonardo asked, confused and worried at the same time.

"…The Reviewers," Lara said with a low voice.

"Yikes! Sounds like a title for some horror movie!" Mike shuddered.

"Who are these… Reviewers?" Raphael wondered, saying the last word more quietly as he feared that he could summon something horrible. Both Mike and Leo's fangirls whined and mourned in the background for those of them that had been vanquished. Ninjalara looked around nervously before moving in closer towards the turtles.

"They are a mysterious higher entity, which cannot been seen or felt… only heard. They decide what is good, and what is not. If they are not pleased with what they see, then this whole world can be set alight with their flames of fury, causing this place to be burnt to the ground. They are the Emperor. We are their Gladiator's of entertainment," Ninjalara summarised, holding the beings she talked about with high regard.

"So… they could be watching us right now?" Raphael asked as he looked suspiciously around the room. The other turtles started to freak out as well; staring at the ceiling, floor and walls as though they hoped they'd spot a video camera.

"Just like Big Brother!" Mike scared himself witless.

"The Reviewers must have noticed that something was wrong. Otherwise that plot hole wouldn't have appeared," Lara thought out loud. "Well… At least I'm good for something! I can save you all from plot holes!" Lara said, trying to look on the bright side. Donatello frowned and crossed him arms.

"Yeah, but it was your inability to think things through which caused the mistake in time in the first place!" Donatello scrutinised.

"Shut up!" Lara quipped. "At least it was a relatively small one," Lara defended herself.

"You know, I could have just built you a time machine that you could then use to go back into the past to fix your mistakes," Mary Sue boasted. Lara, Venus and Don rolled their eyes while Raph, Leo and Mike nodded their heads as though it was a marvelous suggestion.

"Oh shut up!" Lara snapped again. Wanting to be left alone for the time being, Ninjalara stormed over towards the kitchen area in the hopes that she could find some left over pizza to eat. As though nothing horrible had ever happened, all the fangirls' spirits brightened and they returned to their annoying habits. Like a bad smell that never went away, they clutched onto their favourite turtle respectively and hugged them tightly while squealing loudly once again. Venus rolled her eyes at their antics before jumping in shock when Raphael 'appeared' beside.

"Can I have a word with you?" Raphael asked. Venus' eye-ridge furrowed when she sensed Raph's nervousness. As Raph led her to his room, Venus couldn't help but wonder what all this was about. The female turtle looked around the dark and dank room. The piles of trash she had spotted on Friday night were still there, however now there was this smell of mildew. Her nose itched, yet she denied herself the action of covering her nose simply because she wanted to have good manners while in Raph's company.

"So… what did you want to talk about?" Venus asked once she had cleared a spot on the ground for her to sit.

"How do I get Mary Sue to like me?" Raphael asked. Venus groaned upon hearing her name. She was about to start another rant when she stopped to actually think about the situation at hand. If Raphael and Mary paired up, then that would mean that Leo was free! There would be no more competition for Leo's love…

"Well, I guess you'll just have to act like yourself and prove your love to her," Venus said. "You should tell her how you feel," Venus hypocritically suggested, just like how Donatello had once told her.

"Do you think I'm hot?" Raphael asked, seemingly only fixated on his physical appearance despite what Venus had just told him. Venus raised an eye-ridge and wondered if that was a rhetorical question.

"Um…" Venus stared at his bulky muscles when she realised that Raph had actually meant the question. "…Very," she finally admitted with a blush.

"Good. I'm glad we could have this talk," Raphael started to wrap up the conversation after receiving a large boost in his self-esteem. Venus formally shook his outstretched hand and slowly exited his room.

"Wow… that was quick," Venus muttered to herself while she thought over the conversation in her head. _'Does Raphael know that personality also plays a big part?'_ Venus wondered, still slightly confused with what had just happened. She walked to her room and scowled when she found Mary snooping around. "What are _you _doing in here?!" Venus growled while she placed her hands on her hips.

"In case you've forgotten, I do believe that we share this room," Mary Sue said with a diplomatic tone of voice. Venus gritted her teeth, not knowing how else to respond. Mary sighed. "Venus… I don't know what's happened between us, but I would like to make amends," Mary Sue admitted. Venus frowned and narrowed her eyes so much that it could have been classified as a squint instead. Mary sighed once again at Venus' reaction. "Why don't you like me? Usually everybody likes me," Mary wondered, quite confused with how Venus was treating her.

"Because _I_ have a crush on Leonardo!" Venus finally blurted the truth out.

"Oh…" Mary figured out the problem between them. "I'm sorry to hear that. You see, it's not really my fault –"

"-I'm sure it isn't" Venus cut Mary's sentence off with a sarcastic comment. Mary let out another sigh.

"It's been like this all through my life," Mary started again. "I've got one major flaw," Mary admitted. Venus raised an eye-ridge.

"This better be good," Venus muttered darkly to herself.

"I can't help being pretty. Sometimes I'm so gorgeous that guys keep pestering me in the street to give them my contact number, despite the fact that I'm a different species. All my life I've been attractive; I can't help it if guys like me. It's a curse to be this good looking as I never get to be alone," Mary explained her wangsty past, yet she completely failed in trying to evoke empathy from Venus.

"THAT IS NOT A CHARACTER FLAW!" Venus screamed at Mary's face while her eye twitched uncontrollably. "I thought that maybe, just _maybe_ you might have had a disease like bulimia, or some other _actual_ personality flaw like as though you suffered Tourette Syndrome when you were a child. Heck, even if you told me that you had been dropped on the head when you were a baby, I'd be a lot happier. You don't even have split ends! Face it! YOU'RE PERFECT! Being pretty does _not_ qualify as a flaw!" Venus said in a huff, finishing her rant. Too irritated to stay in her carriage, Venus stormed out and went straight to Donatello's room. She frustratingly burst into tears as soon as she arrived, causing Don's heart to swell with pity.

The purple-wearing turtle immediately stood by Venus' side and gently rubbed her carapace as an attempt to try and calm her down. "What's wrong?" Donatello kindly asked. Venus sniffled before heaving out another couple of sobs.

"Mary… I tried to talk to her…" Venus managed to explain the reason of her current emotional state.

"Oh…" was all Don could say in return. "I take it that you didn't work anything out when it comes to Leonardo," Don asked, though it was more of an observation. Venus shook her head while she let out some more sobs. Sighing to himself, for the second time that week, Don pulled Venus into a hug so that she could cry on his shoulder. After a few minutes, Venus started to feel a lot better. Thoroughly grateful for his silent actions, Venus pulled away and smiled at his calm and composed expression. Donatello stared into Venus' tired eyes and-

EDIT

Donatello and Venus blinked at each other in confusion. Don's carriage door was now shut, and both of their belts, knee and elbow pads, and bandannas were gathered in an untidy pile on the floor. The two turtles gazed uneasily at each other; both feeling rather naked even though their gear didn't cover up much in the first place. "Um… Did we…?" Don's question trailed off.

"I don't really know. Did we?" Venus replied.

"I don't know," Don said with a nervous shrug.

"We wouldn't have…"

"Maybe Ninjalara was just mucking around again," Don suggested.

"Yes! That must be it. I mean you and I…" Venus trailed off.

"…Unlikely."

"Improbable."

"Incomprehensible," Don finished off quickly. Feeling awkward, both turtles dived for the pile of accessories and swiftly equipped themselves without saying another word. While Venus was braiding her aqua bandanna again, a low rumbling noise could be heard from a distance. The noise grew louder and louder until the ground started to vibrate and shake violently, as though an earthquake was occurring. Running to the train carriage's window to see what was going on, Don and Venus gasped in horror as swarms of fangirls invaded the lair.

"Raphy Waphy! Squee!" the brats screeched with delight. Scared, Venus and Don continued to watch as Raph was swept along with the massive crowd. When their excitement had died down, the other turtles located in the living room were able to stand once again after being crushed by the pack of savage fangirls. Leonardo looked around the lair and frowned at the severe lack of space.

"Raph! Did you invite all these girls?" Leo questioned with a serious tone of voice. Being overly protective, the Raph fangirls hissed at Leo's stern words. The Leo fangirls were quick to hiss back, causing the Raph fangirls to retaliate with another hiss. Meanwhile, the Mike fangirls cheered and egged on the action in front of them; placing bets on the future victor of the upcoming fight – Raph's fanbase or Leo's fanbase?

"Uh oh! This doesn't look good," Don stated, still impressed with how many fans Raphael had.

"Are the Leo fangirls suicidal? They're outnumbered ten to one!" Venus said with concern. Both turtles held their breath, not knowing what was going to happen next.

To be continued…

"Wait! The chapter can't end!" Donatello protested.

"Why not?" Venus wondered.

"Don't you see the pattern that's occurring here? Leo's, Mike's and Raph's fanbases have arrived. Which only leaves…" Donatello was too scared to complete his sentence.

"My fanbase!" Venus shuddered with fear.

"Yeah… your fanbase…" Don said with slight sarcasm while rolling his eyes when Venus wasn't looking.

"So why can't the chapter end?" Venus asked.

"Because in-between chapters, the fangirls talk to other fangirls, who in turn tell other fangirls where our lair is. Therefore there's a significant increase of fangirls per chapter, since more and more of them want to join in the fun. Soon there'll be so many of them that we'll be reduced to saying one sentence each. One sentence each!" Donatello freaked out while shaking Venus' shoulders roughly as though he was trying to knock some sense into her.

"So how do we increase the length of this chapter?" Venus asked, getting scared as well.

"We have no choice but to negotiate with Ninjalara," Don said with a determined voice.

"But… Lara's out there…" Venus gulped when she observed the large masses of people congregating outside in the living room.

"It's worth the risk. The last thing I need is to have squealing girls chasing after me!" Don groaned at the thought. Together the two turtles nodded in understanding before bravely opening Don's bedroom door. Squeezing through the masses, they slowly but surely found Ninjalara sitting in front of the television, still trying to find a program to watch. "Lara! We need to talk!" Don said loudly, trying to get his voice heard over the roars of the battling fangirls. Lara gave him a confused look before frowning.

"Wasn't this chapter supposed to end about a page ago?" Lara asked more to herself than to Don.

To be continued…

"No!" Venus screamed in protest.

"Please extend this chapter!" Don pleaded on his knees.

"No," Ninjalara said simply.

To be continued…

"Why not?" Don asked.

"Because I'm tired and I don't want to."

To be continued…

"Why are you tired?" Don asked. Lara growled in annoyance.

"Don't make this end up like Lord of the Rings: Return of the King!" Lara replied with a grunt.

To be continued…

"What do you mean by that?" Venus wondered.

"Well that movie kept on having false endings. For a moment I seriously thought that Frodo and Sam were going to die on that mountain… Sort of wished they did as it would have made it more interesting," Lara muttered.

"Don't you like Lord of the Rings?" Don asked, making conversation.

"No. I hadn't read the books, but I predicted what was going to happen within the first thirty minutes of the first movie… I've wasted nine hours of my life," Lara sighed.

"Anything else?" Venus wondered, wanting to draw out the conversation for as long as possible.

"Yeah, I didn't develop any attachment to any of the characters. I seriously laughed when Frodo got attacked by that spider thing. Also, Gandalf didn't make any sense. I knew that he was speaking English, yet I didn't understand what he was saying," Ninjalara summarised.

"You must have liked something about it though," Don said for the sake of saying something.

"The only things that saved me from dying of boredom was the New Zealand scenery and that blonde elf dude," Lara admitted.

"Legolas?" Don asked.

"Orlando Bloom?" Venus questioned.

"Yeah him. I could stare at his blonde locks for hours," Lara said with a smile. The girl suddenly frowned when she realised that she had been played. "Hey! You're on purposely increasing the length of this chapter by asking me questions!" Lara accused.

"Please Lara! Don't let this chapter end!" Donatello begged.

"No!"

To be continued…

"And how dare you bait me like that! You know how much I love to blab on about movies! You used that fact to your advantage! How dare you!" Lara said angrily.

"Hey, we didn't increase the length of the chapter then. That was your own doing," Don said with a smirk. Lara frowned when she realised she had been tricked again.

"Oh shut up!"

To be continued…


	7. It's Awful

ReluctantDragon- I don't really know why I didn't like LOTR. I suppose that not everybody can like it. I haven't read them, but I'm guessing that the books are really great and I admire Peter Jackson for taking on such a huge task. Unfortunately, unlike Tolkein, Jackson had to squeeze in a massive plot in the space of three hours. I guess I just felt that the characters didn't develop enough for me during that time. To me, Aragorn's love triangle just seemed to be slapped into the movie. Also, the ending seemed too neat, and I didn't have anything to really ponder about towards the end, so some of the themes that were probably there in the books didn't come through. I guess I just prefer open endings…

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the turtles (except Mary Sue… Though, if I could claim the rights to her as a character and make it hold up in court, I'll be a billionaire by now… It'll give Mary _Sue _a whole new meaning!) or any of the characters featured in the Next Mutation series created by Saban. I also own the fangirls, though I'm owned by my parents :(

Chapter Seven: It's Awful.

Donatello shuddered with fear when he heard a low rumbling noise in the distance. Panicking, he grabbed Venus' arm and tugged her while he pushed his way through the crowds of fangirls; slowly heading back towards the train carriages. Knowing that a simple closed door wouldn't be strong enough to keep out the oncoming hordes unlike the previous times, Donatello and Venus hurriedly scrambled onto the roof of the subway cars.

Like rabid wolves, Don's fangirls dropped into the lair and howled in excitement when they spotted their prey. Don backed away as the fangirls tried their best to climb on top of the carriage as well. The turtle's eyes grew wide in fear when he realised that he had left his bo in his room. Grabbing a nearby metal pole as a substitute, Don whacked it around wildly as protection. "Stay back! Stay back I say!" Don warned the brats while he tried to hold them at bay.

It didn't take long till the fangirls gave up on trying to climb to the roof, and for the time being they instead simply prowled around the lair, waiting for Donatello to come down; he couldn't stay up there forever. Don let out a little sigh, knowing that for the moment he was safe from their squeals and continuous clawing. Venus looked around the lair and gasped at the crawling masses of girls. By now Leo's fanbase had lost to Raph's. Don and Venus watched in horror as Leo's fangirls were tied up to whatever pieces of furniture the Raphael fans could find.

"LeO Is St1LL Da Bestest!" Leo's fanbase screamed with defiance even though they were the losers of the battle. With cruel smiles on their lips, the opposing fangirls sadistically grabbed some duct tape and covered their mouths so that they could no longer praise Leonardo. Having nothing better to do, Raphael's fangirls then tried to corner Leo in the busy lair.

"Leo! Climb up here! It's safe!" Venus hurriedly advised him from the safety of the train's roof. Leonardo tried to do what he was told, but Raph's fanbase was relentless and dangerously started to circle him like hungry sharks. Fortunately for Leonardo, yet unfortunately for Venus, Mary Sue suddenly came to the rescue by creating a beautiful rainbow tinted spherical force field that protected both of them from the oncoming fanbrats.

"Wow!" one Raph fan admired.

"That's lyke, so pReTtY!" a Mike fan uttered.

"U R Soooooo K00L!" one of Donatello's fans yelled out. Don groaned upon hearing their version of the English language.

"Wait a minute. I thought that the reason Mary Sues were so bad was because other fangirls didn't like to see perfect female characters hogging their favourite man," Don pondered.

"Yeah, the fangirls should be on my side," Venus grumped, still extremely jealous of Mary.

"They should hate her, not love her," Don pointed out with a raised eye-ridge. The room fell silent as another plot hole was created. Ninjalara groaned and finally left her spot in front of the television in order to write another Author's Note. Unfortunately she didn't write fast enough, as the plot hole managed to suck a few more fangirls. The Leo fans were lucky this time around, mainly because they were still strapped down to the various pieces of furniture located throughout the lair.

"Don't do that!" Lara yelled at Don once the rift in time had been fixed. "You shouldn't point them out like that!"

"I thought that only Reviewers could create plot holes?" Don said, quite confused.

"Well if you make my mistakes so blatantly obvious, then of course a plot hole will form!" Lara replied. Don simply shrugged.

"At least we got rid of some fangirls," Don tried to look on the bright side. Curious, Michelangelo read the Author's Note that was now strung across the wall, covering the spot where the plot hole had once been. _'Mary Sue is extraordinarily talented and can force ignorant fangirls from all walks of life to like her'_.

"You know, that really is a pathetic excuse," Mike commented.

"It worked, didn't it? What more do you want?" Lara replied with a hint of laziness in her voice. Once the fangirls had melodramatically mourned the death of their fellow followers, they immediately returned to their previous annoying tasks. Master Splinter finally emerged from his room, only to disappear again once the sheer number of fangirls overwhelmed him. Donatello frowned at Mike's fanbase that had managed to clear out the fridge, and yelled at his own fans who were currently going through his room.

"Don't touch my computer!" Don warned them, quite disturbed that he couldn't see what they were doing from his position on the roof.

"I hope my fanbase doesn't come," Venus said, knowing how stressed out Donatello was getting. Don gritted his teeth, but didn't respond by telling her the horrible truth. "Oh no!" Venus suddenly gasped.

"What!?" Don asked, still quite jittery.

"Raphael! He's out of character!" Venus answered in fear. Don scanned his eyes across the lair until he found his usually hothead brother on the floor. His limbs were spread out and his face was fixed in a permanent grin while the fangirls gathered round and admired his 'kawaii'ness.

"He's twitterpated!" Don exclaimed. "We're doomed!" Don shuddered. "We need to get rid of these fangirls as soon as possible if we're ever going to have a chance at reviving back to his normal moody state," he analysed the problem quickly.

"But what about Mary Sue?" Venus asked.

"We'll deal with her later. Right now getting rid of these fans is our first priority," Don said firmly. Venus watched as Donatello paced around the roof in an attempt to try and think of an idea on how to save his brother. "Dammit! Lara! This is all your fault!" Don accused the teenager on the ground when nothing came to his mind.

"What did I do now?" Lara whined.

"You're to blame for all of this mess!" Don said while he madly pointed at the various fanbases.

"But I only invited the Leo fans… Then the Leo fans invited the Mike fans, who in turn invited the Raph fans, who invited the Don fans, who then invited the Splinter fans…" Lara rambled on while pointing out the small group of adults that had just entered the lair, forming Splinter's fanbase. Don groaned and rolled his eyes at her never-ending list of excuses. Suddenly, as though a light bulb had just lit up inside of his gloomy brain, Don came up with an idea on how to fix the problem with the multiplying fangirls.

"Venus! I need you to do something for me," Don said with a hint of hope in his voice.

"What is it?" Venus wondered, partly unsure.

"I need you to get down and phone someone for me."

-------

Half an hour later…

"Someone called for help?" Casey bellowed out his arrival while he swung his baseball bat around like a show off. Everyone in the lair stopped and looked at him. Silence quickly followed. A sly smile swept across Casey's face as he observed all the human girls in the room. "Hey! Where'd you find all of these gorgeous girls!?" Casey asked the turtles with a wink. The fangirls all held horrified expressions on their faces.

"Eew!" one girl uttered.

"That hairy, smelly man likes us!" a Don fan spoke up in disgust.

"Eew!" the fangirls said as a group.

"Aw, c'mon! I'm not that bad!" Casey tried to defend himself against their accusations. Curious, he sniffed his underarms just for the sake of it. "Hmm…" Casey hummed as he wrinkled his nose; wondering when he had a shower last. The girls let out a frightened shriek in response to his pondering reaction. Casey then took a step forward, causing the fangirls to take a couple of steps back. Then, like a crash of rhinos, the fangirls evacuated the lair. Only the more hard-core Raph fans stayed behind; a friend of Raph's was a friend of theirs… no matter how stinky.

Relieved to see his fanbase run out the door, Donatello jumped off the train carriage and waddled to the bathroom; finally able to make it to the toilet without being hounded by rabid female humans. Venus bit her lip with worry when she observed that she still couldn't help Raphael; the highly overprotective fans would rip her to pieces if she even touched the red-wearing turtle. A couple of Leo fans were still tied up, but Leonardo and Mary were setting them free; allowing them to run out the door with the rest of their species.

"I'm not that bad, am I?" Casey wondered out loud, his feelings hurt. The sound of a toilet flushing was his only answer.

"They're all gone…" Mike uttered in shock, saddened by the absence of his fanbase. Casey trudged over to the refrigerator in the hopes that he could drink his sorrows away. He let out a wail of despair when he found it empty; the Michelangelo fans had taken _everything_, including the Brussels sprouts. Like two lost souls, Mike and Casey then moved over to the couch to watch television.

"Thanks babe," Casey said absentmindedly as he grabbed the remote control off Lara. Like a zombie, he instantly flicked the channel to a hockey match and started watching. Ninjalara pouted at her loss of control over the television.

Venus sighed with frustration when Donatello finally returned from his epic quest to the bathroom. "Your plan didn't work. Casey wasn't able to scare away the more dedicated Raph fans," Venus said. "I think we need to bring in someone stronger. Someone more annoying," Venus stated her opinion. She thoughtfully turned to face Donatello. "Who is the most hated character in all of the Ninja Turtle series?" Venus asked, wondering who could be so powerfully irritating. Donatello stared directly at Venus. The female turtle held a thoughtful pose, trying to think of someone. Donatello continued to stare at Venus, wondering if she'd ever get the hint. "I know! Wick!" Venus finally came to a conclusion.

"I was thinking of someone else, but yeah, Wick should be enough to repel the fangirls," Don agreed.

"Let's kidnap him then!" Venus said, getting excited.

"You do realise that if we're caught, since there'll only be the two of us, then we'll be dead meat. Literally. I mean, we'll be eaten by Dragon Lord and his followers," Donatello reminded her of the consequences. Venus sighed and looked over once again at Raphael and his eternal uncharacteristic grin.

"But if we don't save Raphael soon, then our personalities are doomed anyway," Venus weighed up the pros and cons. Donatello sighed.

"Then I guess we have no choice…"

----------

At Dragon Lord's compound.

The two turtles silently tiptoed down Dragon Lord's red carpet. Thankfully for them, they came at the right time considering that most of the Rank was asleep. Venus' heart thumped harder when she spotted Dragon Lord himself sleeping soundlessly on his thrown. She pondered on whether she should finish him off right now and avenge her Master's death, yet she knew that it was too dangerous, especially since there was only the two of them to fight off the rest of the wrathful dragons when they'd finally wake up. So Venus continued to focus her attention to Dragon Lord's alchemist, Wick, in an attempt to forget her feud.

Nervous, Donatello held open the small brown bag he had been carrying when he finally reached the foot of the stumpy dragon's dog bed. With Venus standing by his side, Don quickly grabbed Wick by the neck and stuffed him inside the sack. Unfortunately they weren't quick enough, and Wick instantly called out for help, causing all the surrounding dragons to rouse from their sleep.

"What's the meaning of this!?" Dragon Lord's voice boomed and echoed around the stylised oriental room.

"Majesty!" Wick pathetically called out from the confines of Don's bag.

"Wick! What are you doing in there?" Dragon Lord stupidly asked.

"Majesty! I'm being kidnapped! Help me Majesty!" Wick begged mindlessly. Donatello and Venus stood frozen in their positions, as Dragon Lord looked them both over. The oversized dragon shook his head and rubbed his temple to calm his migraine as Wick continued to vocalise his annoying pleas for help. Donatello slowly took out his bo with his free hand, while Venus stood in a fighting stance, just in case Dragon Lord was about to order an attack.

"Get rid of him!" Dragon Lord commanded the two turtles. Donatello and Venus were stunned; Dragon Lord was letting them go.

"But… But Majesty!" Wick cried out as he wriggled around in the bag. The two turtles didn't need to be told twice. With a little smile, they both ran back down the red carpeted hallway, hurriedly wanting to get out of there before Dragon Lord changed his mind. "MAJESTY!" Wick screamed one last time before he disappeared out the door along with Don and Venus.

"Um… What just happened?" Don asked as he started up the Hummer's engine.

"Dragon Lord just let us go," Venus answered monotonously, still in a state of shock as well.

"Wow… Maybe he does have a heart after all," Don wondered while he turned and drove down the street. Wick squirmed and wriggled in the back seat, trying to get out of the brown sack.

"No… He just really hates Wick," Venus commented.

"Majesty!" Wick wept in the background.

"Poor little guy. Rejected by his own Master…" Don started to feel sympathetic.

"Yeah, he must be _really_ annoying," Venus commented, her thoughts completely set on getting rid of the fangirls. "Do you think our plan will work?" Venus asked after a couple of minutes had passed.

"Should do. I like to compare the fangirls to Spyware - they infect the lair slowly at first, until there's so many of them that our life cannot function properly. We can try to delete a couple of them, but a few manage to cling on for their life. Wick, on the other hand, is like Ad-Aware. He can get rid of the Spyware for good, however he himself might cause a few problems along the way," Donatello analysed. Venus gave him a confused look.

"So Wick can fix your computer?" Venus asked, completely missing the point to his analogy.

"…Never mind Venus. Never mind," Don said bluntly.

Once Don had parked the car safely in the garage, he grabbed the sack, swung it over his shoulder before entering the lair with a large smile on his face. Everyone looked at him warily as he wildly shook the bag about, allowing Wick to fall out. Raphael's fangirls covered their noses with disgust. "It stinks!" a girl with fiery red hair admitted.

"It's a dragon!" another said in surprise.

"Eew! It's a Next Mutation character!" a girl dressed like a punk criticised.

"Ha! You turtles are so foolish! I know where you live. Dragon Lord will have to accept me back, now that I possess this information!" Wick blabbed and boasted.

"Sure he will," Venus said sarcastically.

"What's the runt doing here?" Mike asked from his spot on the couch.

"I'm not a runt! I'm Dragon Lord's most loyal servant," Wick defended himself, his voice fluctuating uncontrollably as he did so.

"Sure you are," Venus said sarcastically.

"Don't be smart with me! You'll be defeated soon Shinobi. Mark my words!" Wick pathetically threatened.

"Sure I will be," Venus said, once again with a sarcastic tone. Wick frowned in response. Using his beady eyes, he bewilderedly looked around the lair and licked his snout when he spotted the small group of Raph fans.

"Yummy! Humans!" Wick called out. With surprising speed, he crawled over to the girls and bit one of their legs.

"Ow! Get away you freak!" the redhead yelled out as she kicked the shrimp of a dragon in the shoulder.

"Mmm! Tasty! I want more! Needs ketchup though," Wick continued to babble to himself.

"Eew!!" the fanbrats cringed at the idea of putting sauce on their slender legs.

"Does he ever shut up?" Casey asked while he flicked to another sports channel.

"…No," all the turtles except Mary answered.

"Dragon Lord doesn't know what he's missing out on!" Wick said his thoughts out loud while he licked his snout again; not having any inner monologue. All of a sudden, Wick stopped in his tracks. Everyone watched as the little dragon raised his tail. A rippling squeak was heard, which was quickly followed by a horrendous smell. "Yummy!" Wick said, once he returned to normal.

"It, it farted!" the fangirl with the fiery red hair announced fearfully. The other girls immediately covered their noses. The smell was so bad that it made some of their hairs stand on end.

"I'm gonna barf!" the girl dressed like a punk blurted out. Having a similar reaction to their teammate, the rest of Raph's fanbase evacuated the lair. Wick pouted, knowing he had just lost his late night snack. With an evil grin, he started to approach Ninjalara who was still sitting on the couch in front of the television. Before Wick had the chance to bite into her ankle, Lara stamped her foot and slammed his head into the concrete floor as though he was a rampaging wombat. The dragon growled while Lara kept her foot in place, pinning him to the ground. The turtles and Casey looked at her in mild surprise.

"…I do karate," Lara finally explained when the turtles didn't stop staring. Finding the right moment, she grabbed the remote off Casey and began to flick through the channels once again.

"Wait. So let me guess this straight. You do Martial Arts, like eating pizza on a regular basis, and you're a movie buff?" Mike asked with high hopes.

"Yep," Lara answered briefly while stopping to watch the documentary channel. With a large smile on his face, Mike wriggled in closer and put an arm around her shoulders. "I'm also a Leo fan," Lara reminded him as she removed his arm. Michelangelo pouted and started to whine about the loss of his fanbase once again.

Seeing that the lair was now completely fangirl free, Venus and Donatello rushed to Raphael's aid. Bending down beside him, Don checked his pulse while Venus tried to turn his continuous smile into a scowl by pushing and pulling on his facial muscles. "He doesn't look too good," Don said after giving his fellow turtle a quick check up. With an understanding nod to each other, the two reptiles slid Raphael into Donatello's room. "Place him on the table," Donatello instructed. With one last heave, Raphael was laid down on a metallic bench with various unknown electronic gadgets situated around the edge of it.

"What is all this stuff?" Venus asked, impressed with all the high-tech looking equipment.

"We're going to need to do reconstructive surgery," Donatello sincerely announced before looking directly at Venus with bright eyes. "This," he started, gesturing to the table that Raphael was on. "This is one of my proudest inventions! …Well, it was my concept. Mary Sue kinda made it for me…" Donatello mumbled the last part before continuing his explanation. "It has always been a dream of mine to become one with machines. If I was ever injured badly, I can picture myself becoming part cyborg. Now, with the use of this machine, my dream can come true!" Donatello declared, raising both arms in success like a mad scientist.

Venus simply raised an eye-ridge at what he had just revealed to her. "You? Half cyborg? That'll never work," Venus criticised. Donatello simply frowned at her reaction.

"Well, we'll see about that!" Don said, still firm in his beliefs. Becoming excited, Donatello hooked Raphael up to the machine and covered his body from head to toe with a large, white sheet. "Once this process is complete, then Raphael should be his regular madman self," Don proclaimed. Worried, Venus stepped back while Don pulled a large lever located on one of the table's legs. A loud hum could be heard, which later progressed into a buzzing sound. Blue bolts of electricity jumped from one end of the table to the other, while the body under the sheet started to jerk and jolt as a reaction. "It's alive! IT'S ALIVE!" Don screamed with success as Raphael was finally cured.

To be continued…


	8. Sure We're Ready

Mily – Yeah, Krang's pretty bad, but I don't think he's more hated than any of the cast from the Next Mutation!

Rene - … … …Venus has a fanbase? ::Waits with Rene:: Somehow I don't think they're coming! Actually, when you think about it, I probably am Venus' entire fanbase --! I hate Spyware with a passion as well. Before I started writing this fic, my computer was infected with it (along with numerous Trojan Horses… I kind of have the touch of death when it comes to computers!) so I had to get it seen to. Then, ironically, between posting chapters 6 and 7, my computer was infected again and I had to get the hard drive wiped (they managed to save all my Word documents though!). Yes, although wombats seem cute and cuddly, just like the rest of Australia's fluffy wildlife, they really are evil on the inside. Wombats are really good for rehabilitation, in that when they're little, they can be tamed quite easily, though for some reason, when they hit about two years of age, they suddenly turn feral and territorial. I once had to clean out a wombat enclosure, and I was told by the zoo keeper that if I was attacked, I should put my foot on the wombat's head. I guess that incident just reminded me of what I would probably do with Wick!

Author's Note: This is the second to last chapter. I don't really know when the final one will be posted since my HSC exams start next week. Since I've been trying to break every fanfiction rule, I've started to question as to what makes a good fic. I've added a new page to my website with just some of my thoughts and things I've discovered during my time writing fanfiction, and I'd love it if other writers could build on it. Hopefully the FAQ for this story will be done on my website soon as well.

Chapter Eight: Sure We're Ready.

Raphael growled as he sat straight up on the table. With a tremendous snarl on his face, he ripped the sheet off himself and leapt off the metallic bench. "I'm angry!" Raphael howled. With a straight-legged jerky walk, the furious turtle stormed out of the room. Curious and worried at the same time, Don and Venus both rushed to the door of the carriage in order to safely observe Raphael from a distance. "I'm hungry!" Raph roared; the growling being emitted by his stomach was equal in volume to the growls he was giving through his clenched teeth. Absolutely starving, Raphael ripped off the fridge's door by the handle and cried out in fury when he found that there still wasn't any food. Venus raised an eye-ridge at Raphael's sudden increase in strength and looked towards Donatello for an answer.

"My machine made him half cyborg… remember?" Don reminded her.

"So he's now like the Terminator?" Venus asked.

"No. He's more of a Robo-Raph," Don suggested. "But don't worry. The metal that is now coursing through his veins is all organic, and in about a week or two he'll excrete it all out and return to his normal fleshy self," Donatello said. Venus' overworked eye-ridge continued to stay up.

"You're so full of bullshit," Venus acknowledged, causing Donatello to smile in an all-knowing response as his bizarre and illogical explanation had just avoided the creation of another plot hole. Ninjalara would be pleased.

"At least he's no longer out of character," Don shrugged before crossing his arms and leaning on the door frame.

"Nope… Just heavily stereotyped," Venus sighed.

"I'm angry! Must hurt Leonardo!" Raphael growled as he trudged over to Mary Sue and her pet blue-wearing mutant turtle.

"Raph! What's your problem? I don't want to fight!" Leo called out in protest as Raphael roughly grabbed him by the arm.

"I like fighting!" Raphael screamed loudly in a robotic monotone voice. Wondering what all the commotion was about, Splinter finally emerged from his bedroom; once he had checked that the coast was clear from fangirls.

"What is the meaning of this!?" Splinter demanded as he watched his two sons fight. "Raphael! Leonardo! Stop fighting immediately!" Splinter barked out his orders. To his surprise, Raphael suddenly backed off.

"I've been yelled at by Splinter. Splinter likes Leonardo better. Entering whiny suicidal angst mode," Raphael said, once again with a monotonous tone. Venus groaned and hung her head in her hands as she started to become embarrassed for Raph's sake. She jumped in shock when she noticed that Ninjalara was standing right beside her.

"What did you do to him!?" Lara asked with a worried tone.

"He was getting too out of character. Making him a stereotypical uncontrollable angry robot was the only solution," Donatello quickly summarised.

"I would have just killed him off," Lara said simply. Donatello and Venus gave her a blank look. Lara shrugged. "It would have easier…" she tried to explain her point of view. Don snarled in response.

"If you even touch my brother, I'll report you to the immigration department!" Don threatened, causing Lara to back off the subject immediately.

"Yes! Yes! Kill the turtles!" Wick babbled in agreement with Ninjalara. Everyone groaned upon hearing his annoying voice again.

"What are we going to do with him?" Venus whined tiredly while she pointed to the vertically challenged dragon. With conniving smirks on their lips, Michelangelo and Casey leapt off the couch with a plan in mind. Using his swift ninjitsu skills, Mike grabbed Wick by the neck and stuffed him back into the brown sack, which was later tied off with a twist tie. Getting his baseball bat ready, Mike threw the body-filled bag into the air so that Casey could hit it like a ball. Along with a loud screech of pain, Wick was whacked across the room, landing on a train carriage's roof.

"Problem solved!" Mike announced with a proud smile on his face. Casey put down his bat and dusted his hands for dramatic emphasis.

"Now we just have to get rid of that Mary Sue," Venus whispered to Donatello. After a simple nod of acknowledgment, both turtles turned to face Ninjalara as though they were expecting her to do something. After a couple of seconds of being stared at weirdly, Lara began to feel self-conscious and nervous.

"What!?" she asked, wondering why she deserved such odd looks.

"Have you thought of a way to get rid of Mary Sue yet?" Venus anxiously asked. It was Lara's turn to give a blank look.

"I'm doing what now?" the girl wondered, getting confused. Venus sighed.

"Yesterday you said that you could help us in trying to defeat Mary Sue," Venus wearily reminded her once again. Lara continued to give her a blank look.

"Oh… yeah," Lara pretended that she knew what the turtle was talking about. "Sorry, I'm a bit slow. Must be the Writer's Block," Lara made up an excuse.

"Yeah, Writer's Block," Don rolled his eyes, this time seeing right through her bluff.

"I need to recover from my Writer's Block first so-"

"-What do you want this time?" Don asked with a sigh, knowing the game the author was playing.

"Season three DVDs of CSI," Lara stated her terms. With a groan, Don reentered his room and emerged a minute later with the goods. With a large smile on her face, Lara grabbed the laser disks off him and headed back over to the couch where she had seemed to have taken up residence.

"You know, I don't think Ninjalara's going to help us," Venus thought out loud. Don groaned.

"I wish you could have admitted that earlier so that I didn't have to fork over my DVD collection!" Donatello started to raise his voice in annoyance, since the only reason he cooperated with Lara that time was because he thought that Venus would appreciate it.

"I guess it's only you and me now," Venus sighed, feeling alone in the war against Mary Sue.

"Wasn't it always just us?" Don muttered in wonderment to himself. "You see, Ninjalara's like Norton's Internet Security 2004; she looks like she can help us, however she can also be easily corrupted and overrun by the Trojan Horses and Spyware, in which she then becomes too powerful to be properly utilised," Don analysed.

"… Oookay. Can you stop with the computer analogies already!?" Venus asked wearily.

"…Sorry. Can't help it," Don admitted while he adopted Venus' contagious eye twitch.

"So what's our new plan?" Venus asked while she looked at Donatello as though he knew the answer to everything. He simply grumped in response.

"I dunno. I'm tired," Don admitted grumpily with a yawn. "Goodnight Venus," he said simply before closing his bedroom door in her face before she had the chance to convince him to get rid of Mary Sue right then and there. She sighed angrily before deciding to finally turn in for the night as well.

---------

Monday evening

"Donatello!" Venus whined as she sat outside his bedroom while she lazily kicked and tapped her foot on his locked door. "Donny!" she whined again. After waiting for him to emerge all day, Donatello finally slid open the door and leapt out in excitement.

"I have a solution!" he announced, extraordinarily happy.

"What, what, what?" Venus asked impatiently while she jumped up from her position on the floor.

"After doing some thorough and in-depth research, I've discovered a way to get rid of Mary Sue!" Don exclaimed.

"What, what, what?" Venus asked again, growing more and more impatient.

"Well, you know how Mary Sue is absolutely perfect…" Don started his explanation.

"Yeah…" Venus said, wondering what he was getting at.

"Well, we need to find a character who is completely imperfect. Someone who is flawed in every way," Don said with bright eyes.

"Why?" Venus asked, getting confused.

"Well, let's say that Mary Sue is an alkali. If you add an acid, that is, and imperfect character to the mix, then the two characters will balance each other out. Hence, neutralisation," Don said with a wide smile on his face.

"But where do we find such a character?" Venus questioned.

"I've already figured that part out, though it is a long shot. Have you ever heard of Bloody Mary?" Donatello asked.

"The mirror witch? But that's an urban legend," Venus said.

"As I said; it's a long shot. Rumours have it that she was disfigured horribly in a car accident and will scratch someone's eyes out if they dare to summon her," Donatello told Venus as though he was retelling a ghost story.

"I thought she was the ghost of the ruthless English Queen Mary," Venus thought out loud.

"Maybe, maybe not. We won't know until we summon her," Don said. His excitability was starting to scare Venus.

"Summon her!? Are you crazy? You said so yourself that she'll scratch our eyes out!" Venus protested.

"Do you want to get rid of Mary Sue or not?" Don asked, starting to blackmail her. Venus frowned and crossed her arms, not sure as to whether she liked this plan or not.

"Okay, okay," Venus finally relented. "So how do you think we should summon her?" Venus reluctantly asked.

"Well, from what I read, at midnight, you go into a bathroom that has a large mirror in it all by yourself. You then close the door, turn off the lights and light a candle. You chant the words 'Bloody Mary' twelve times and in the mirror she'll appear," Donatello explained.

"And then she'll scratch your eyes out," Venus added cynically.

"Well… yeah. But remember that this is part urban legend," Don said.

"…I thought that you only had to chant her name three times," Venus wondered as she started to remember the version of the myth that she had been told.

"…Maybe it was only five?" Don pondered, getting himself confused.

"Are you sure that you needed a candle?" Venus questioned.

"…I think so," Donatello answered, becoming unsure. "Maybe you don't have to do it at midnight exactly. Maybe you just have to do it when it's dark," Donatello reasoned. Venus numbly nodded.

"So who's going to summon her?" Venus finally asked. Silence quickly fell between them.

"…I thought you were going to," Don said quietly.

"Me!?"

"Well you're the spiritual one!" Don defended his decision. "You're the one who really believes in all this supernatural stuff," he added onto his reasoning.

"But it was your idea! You can't just think up crazy solutions and expect me to participate!" Venus complained.

"Fine, I'll go," Don said with a frown. "But the summoning usually only works with females," Don said afterwards.

"Why?" Venus asked, getting curious.

"Because girls get scared more easily," Don muttered under his breath, making sure that Venus didn't hear a word he said.

"What?"

"Nothing," Don lied. "I'll go," he said again, getting determined. Sucking in a deep breath, Don slowly meandered his way to the bathroom causing Venus to raise an eye-ridge.

"Did you mean that you're going to summon her now? I thought it had to be done at midnight," Venus asked, getting the urban legend confused once again.

"Can't hurt to try and do it early. It's night after all," Don replied with a tiny shrug. He gulped and entered the dark bathroom, making sure he closed the door behind him. Don emerged a few seconds later.

"Well? Did it work?" Venus asked as the curiosity and suspense was almost killing her.

"No… I got too scared," Donatello meekly admitted. Venus simply rolled her eyes.

"I guess that means that I'll have to do it," Venus said with a sigh. Feeling a wave of courage rippling through her body, she stormed past Donatello and slammed the bathroom door shut. A minute passed, then a second. Donatello nervously twiddled his thumbs while he waited for a response. When he was just about to enter the bathroom, Venus opened the door once again.

"Did it work?" the question automatically slipped past his trembling lips. Venus nodded.

"I had to say it six times," Venus said while she stepped aside so that Donatello could view the character behind her. Don almost gagged in response.

Bloody Mary was a human-like creature though her graying, wrinkling skin reminded Donatello of an elephant. Her long, black hair was matted and greasy, completely filled with split ends, while her black plain dress was wet, tattered and torn, and judging from the smell, it seemed as though the piece of clothing was dipped in faeces. Her hands were gnarled and blistered, while her yellow fingernails had grown so long that they were starting to curl. Bloody Mary's face was even worse, and gave the words 'train wreck' a whole new meaning. Her eyes had too much melanin, and as a result, it looked like she had no pupils; her eyes were entirely black. Scars lined her face, along with numerous warts that seemed to be fermenting a new species of light green puss. Her smile could barely be seen, since she had so few teeth, all of which were rotted and chipped, while her breath smelled of vile and vomit. Out of everything else, it was her overall smell of sour milk that made Don's own stomach churl with disgust.

With a rickety and limping walk on her scratched and cut feet, she slowly moved her way over to Donatello. "I heard there is a Mary Sue infestation here," Bloody Mary's words hit the air with a deadly hiss. Donatello stood stock still as Bloody Mary continued to get closer and closer until she was an inch away from Donatello's nose. "Do you find me repulsive?" Bloody Mary asked with deadly intent. Like a frightened little boy, Don's eyes grew wide while he rapidly shook his head from side to side. He gulped, trying to keep himself from throwing up. "Good," Bloody Mary said with a horrible smile. Repulsed, Donatello finally took a step back in order to regain the personal space he had lost.

"Um… I'll make you some tea," Venus excused herself while she hurriedly moved into the kitchen area of the lair. Bloody Mary nodded and slowly walked over to the one of the chairs at the dinner table. Feeling awkward and not wanting to be rude, Don also sat at the table, though he tried to sit as far away as possible. Venus returned a few minutes later with a cup of tea for each of them. With his eyes still fearfully glued to Bloody Mary, Donatello took his cup from Venus without looking and started to sip it as though it was alcohol. The room fell silent as they each just sat and drank their tea. Donatello finally got over the initial shock of how hideous Bloody Mary was, but like Venus, he now didn't know if he should look at her or not.

"So where's this Mary Sue of yours?" Bloody Mary hissed her question.

"Um… she's currently out dating my brother," Donatello answered absentmindedly.

"She's what!?" Venus exclaimed, turning to Donatello wanting more of an explanation. Don simply bit his lip, knowing that he had just let his concentration lapse. Bloody Mary grinned at Venus' reaction.

"Tough luck dear. He's already been taken," Bloody Mary said with an indecent wink, quickly catching on as to what was happening. Silence fell between them once again.

"If you don't mind me asking, what Mary are you? Are you Mary Worth, the car crash victim, or Queen Mary?" Donatello finally built up the guts to ask.

"I'm nothing, but yet I'm reality. I am all the of the built up emotions developed in all of the Mary Sue's wangsty pasts that are never properly explored realistically," Bloody Mary tried to explain.

"So, you're the physical entity of horror, while Mary Sues are the physical entities of perfection?" Don queried, quickly catching on. Bloody Mary simply nodded.

"Mary Sue and I can appear in almost any story, although it is Mary Sue who is summoned more frequently," Bloody Mary said with a snarl.

"…But we didn't summon Mary Sue," Venus said, getting confused.

"Well, Mary Sue was summoned so often that one day she just decided to do her own thing," Bloody Mary explained grumpily. "Of course, no one wants to summon me to that extent…" she grumped.

"Lots of people say that you scratch their eyes if they summon you," Don noted.

"I do," Bloody Mary admitted as she took another sip of her tea. Venus' eye-ridges furrowed.

"Then why didn't you scratch mine out?" Venus innocently wondered.

"Because I only injure girls who are prettier than myself," Bloody Mary said before taking another sip. Venus frowned and glowered in response.

A few lyrical laughs could be heard from outside the lair. Bloody Mary stood up as Mary Sue and Leonardo merrily climbed down the ladder. As soon as Mary Sue smelt the sour milk odour, she froze in her spot, knowing exactly who the newcomer was. "You!" she called out angrily while she pointed at the hideous creature.

"You!" Bloody Mary said, doing the same gesture. After sharing evil looks and glares, Mary Sue suddenly freaked out and scrambled back up the ladder. The final chase sequence had begun! With a cruel smile planted on her face, Bloody Mary reached into a chest pocket on her black dress and pulled out a long twisted dagger. Venus grinned with delight, simply loving every moment of the drama uncurling before them. With a look of twisted pleasure in her eyes, Bloody Mary started to run after Mary Sue, knife raised in hand. Alas, she didn't get that far.

While running, Bloody Mary's wrinkled feet got caught amongst the tatters of her own black dress, causing her to fall down onto her own knife. She lay motionless on the floor of the lair for the next couple of minutes. Venus and Donatello looked on in silence while Leonardo tried to get Mary Sue to come back. "Do you think she's dead?" Venus asked. Don shrugged.

"Unfortunately imperfect characters don't last that long," Don sighed. The purple-wearing turtle quietly walked over to the rack of weapons that was located near the lair's ladder entrance and retrieved his bo. He returned next to Venus' side and started to prod Bloody Mary with the bo, not wanting to touch her with his own fingers. "I think she's dead," Don said when Bloody Mary didn't stir. Donatello continued to prod her, regardless of his proclamation.

"Okay… You can stop poking her now," Venus said. Donatello still continued to prod her with his bo, though now it was more out of desperation. Bloody Mary was their last hope. After several minutes of prodding, Don had poked Bloody Mary so much that her body suddenly self collapsed and turned into a pile of soot. Both Venus and Donatello raised an eye-ridge.

"Okay… I'm officially grossed out now," Don admitted while he threw his contaminated bo aside. "What are we going to do now!? That was my last idea!" Don said despairingly. A sad stillness entered the room while both turtles remained silent. After a few minutes had passed, Venus' eyes soon lit up with hope once again.

"I've got it! I've just thought of the best foolproof plan!" Venus yelled out in excitement, causing Donatello to grin widely. He didn't really care what it was, as long as it was better than their last harebrained scheme.

To be continued…


	9. A Shower of Pities

Ramica – I think I actually heard about how some parts of North America have feral kangaroo. I have no idea how they got there though…

Rene – Yeah, I love CSI. In Australia it's currently the most popular overseas program. CSI: Miami goes off the plot sometimes, though I am looking forward to the New York spin-off that's supposed to be happening soon. I just hope that they don't overuse the genre, like they've done with reality television, home improvement shows and hospital dramas. For some reason Norton 2004 programs don't work well on old computers, so the Spyware I had simply butted heads with the anti-virus and nothing was accomplished in the end o.0! I've changed that sentence so it makes sense. Now with the new editing features in Document Manager, it makes it really easy to fix mistakes quickly!

Author's Note: There's a few heavy issues that are raised in this chapter, but they're not intended to be taken seriously and are only an example of the character's sheer desperation. Anyway, this is the final chapter and I'd like to thank everyone for reading and reviewing, and I hope that you've all enjoyed this fic. After my exams, I'll be writing fanfiction again, and my next fic will be a tragedy that Splinter fans will be sure to hate. I'll also be planning on writing the second part to Can't Wash It Away, once I've resurrected it and changed all the horrible mistakes, and typed around all the Mary Sues o.0!

Chapter Nine: A Shower of Pities.

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Midday, Central Park. One week later…

Leonardo lovingly smiled as he pushed back the white veil that was covering Mary Sue's face. As he was allowed, Leo leaned in and kissed Mary Sue on the lips, and just like in teen movies, for some reason everyone clapped. Everyone, that is, except Venus. She glared as the newly wedded couple walked together down the isle in preparation for the reception that followed the service. Venus gritted her teeth when she noticed the large bulge that had developed over Mary Sue's abdomen; a shotgun wedding, as Mike had dubbed it. Donatello had predicted that the baby was due tomorrow, though it baffled everyone as to how and why Mary's developed so fast in the womb, especially when compared to Venus' pregnancy which had barely even begun in comparison, even though Venus conceived first.

Venus' foolproof plan had backfired horrendously. She had told Don that she wanted to fall pregnant with Leonardo so that, out of honour and respect for the child, he would have to be with her and not Mary Sue. Confused and disgusted with her drastic and illogical reasoning, Donatello explained to her that she was about to commit sexual assault, yet Venus blindly replied that males can't get raped, causing Donatello to roll his all-knowing eyes in response for many minutes afterwards. Eventually Donatello reluctantly agreed to aid Venus in seducing Leo, and helped by purchasing a LOT of bottles of alcohol. Unfortunately, to get Leonardo drunk enough, Venus had to coax him by drinking with him, and then both turtles ended up passing out on the couch and nothing was achieved. The whole incident was then edited out by Ninjalara who claimed that there were too many drug and sexual references. So when Venus finally became conscious again, she believed that her desperate scheme had worked, while Leonardo, with no prior knowledge of the plan beforehand, simply went on having a blissful relationship with Mary Sue, who was later accidentally knocked up later in the week.

Donatello was shocked to find out the next day when Venus claimed that she had passed the pregnancy test. Confused and partly worried, he got her to check another five times, with each test coming back positive. Being one of the only ones who knew the truth about the whole 'seducing Leo' incident, he was certain that the zygote was not Leo's child. After finally stealing Ninjalara's plot outline when she wasn't looking, Donatello was able to read what the author had edited out and was stunned when he found out that the baby was indeed his. Still appalled that Venus felt she had to stoop so morally low in order to win Leo over Mary Sue, at that point in time Donatello didn't want to rain on her parade about how 'successful' her plan was. Yet when Leo couldn't comprehend Venus' story, and picked Mary anyway when she fell pregnant, Don found that he was too worried about the consequences if he came out and told the truth of the matter.

With Venus being so focused on getting rid of Mary Sue that she was willing to do _anything_, and with Donatello's indecisive ways as to whether he should help Venus win Leo's heart or not, despite his own feelings for the matter, the two turtles only ever succeeded in making their lives worse overall. Mary Sue eventually won, and they had failed miserably.

Sitting beside Venus for the ceremony, Donatello watched with an upraised eye-ridge as Venus poured herself another glass of champagne and drank it in one go. "Um… I don't think you should be drinking alcohol when you're pregnant. Surveys have shown that it can lead to brain damage and abnormalities in the child," Don calmly advised her.

"Well if Leo cared about his baby, then he would have picked me!" Venus retorted as she poured herself another glass.

"Yeah… Leo's baby," Donatello muttered. He watched fearfully as Venus swiftly drank another glass and could have sworn he heard a few of his baby's brain cells pop in protest.

"I swear she stole my idea," Venus hissed through her teeth.

"Stole what?" Donatello replied, not knowing what she was complaining about now.

"She stole my idea! The whole pregnancy routine. I bet she found out about my plan and therefore she had to copy me! She's not original. There's no way a girl as perfect as her can get 'accidentally' pregnant!" Venus started to rant.

"Well, if you felt so strongly against Leo and Mary's relationship, why didn't you jump up and complain about something when they said 'speak now or forever hold your peace'?" Donatello asked, wanting to move on from the constant topic of Mary Sue. Venus frowned, knowing Don was right, and remained silent for the next couple of minutes. It wasn't long till she found something else to complain about.

"I can't believe that Ninjalara got to be the bridesmaid! It should have been me," Venus fumed.

"Well maybe it's because you plotted to kill the bride for a whole week," Don replied with a roll of his eyes.

"Hmm, guess so," Venus agreed, remembering all the bad things she had done. Seeing that most of the guests were now moving towards the buffet tables that were set up to the side, Donatello decided to get up and join the cue, standing right behind Michelangelo. Venus naturally followed. Sighing, glad for the silence, Donatello closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the midday sun. The chatter of children playing caught his attention, so he patiently observed them from a distance while he waited for the line to move. It wasn't long till his eye-ridges furrowed in confusion.

"Venus… how come we're in broad daylight and nobody's looking at us suspiciously?" Don asked. A massive plot hole was created as soon as Donatello voiced his question. All the wedding guests gasped and gawked as the rift in time grew larger and larger, quickly outgrowing some of the smaller buildings in New York. "That's some mistake she's made," Don said to Venus, while he watched Ninjalara panic. After muttering a few obscene words to herself, Lara pulled out her scroll once again and started to write another Author's Note in order to rectify the problem. Feeling brave, the girl then rushed towards the enormous plot hole and threw the long strip of paper she had written on into the vortex. With a long, rumbling sound and a strong gush of wind, the plot hole slowly started to close.

"Don't do that!" Lara barked angrily at Donatello.

"Do what?" Don shrugged innocently.

"Point out plot holes! I told you not to do that!" Lara furiously argued.

"Oh, as if the Reviewers aren't going to pick up on that massive plot hole. They would have sensed it right from the beginning of this chapter!" Donatello replied with a smirk.

"Don't make me turn this into a Care Bears crossover! If you point out another one, I swear I'm gonna do it!" Lara threatened.

"And if you do bring in the Care Bears, I'll report you for deportation!" Donatello blackmailed straight back. Lara pouted as soon as she heard Don's words. Backing off once again under Don's threat, she quietly lined up with the rest of the guests and waited for her turn for the buffet.

"You know, she's kinda cute when she's angry," Mike commented to both Raph and Don who were standing either side of him.

"Grrr! I'm angry!" Raphael stereotypically stated. Wanting to prove how angry he really was, Raphael needlessly smashed a plate. Feeling slightly rude, Casey smashed a plate as well, causing the other turtles to look at him suspiciously. It wasn't long till Casey realised his impulsive mistake.

"Sorry. Thought it was a Greek wedding for a few seconds there," Casey said, feeling embarrassed while he guiltily reached for another plate.

"Should I ask Ninjalara out? Do you think I have a chance with her?" Mike asked Don, already in search of another female character to chase. Donatello thought about his two questions for a few seconds.

"…No," Don answered simply. Mike frowned, not really satisfied with his answer.

"Why not?" he curiously asked.

"I wouldn't know where to start, Mikey," Donatello muttered.

"Hey, what happened to Wick?" Venus asked the two turtles in front of her. Donatello and Michelangelo both gave her a fearful look. They had wondered where that rotting carcass smell was coming from…

"Um… I'm sure he's lying around somewhere," Mike commented before trying to innocently whistle a tune.

"So now that Leo's no longer single, what are you going to do?" Donatello asked Venus with hopeful intent, quickly moving away from the previous topic. The female turtle sighed.

"Well, since Raph's still acting stereotypical, and Mike has currently got his eye on Ninjalara, I guess I have no choice but to stay single," Venus said with dismay.

"Yeah… single," Donatello grumped.

"So what are you going to do?" Venus asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Mary Sue fixed and invented all the stuff you've ever dreamed of. What are you going to do with the rest of your life? Have you thought of a new purpose?" Venus asked.

"I have to admit that I actually had some fun in plotting to kill Mary Sue. It took my mind off other things," Donatello smiled with fondness. "I'll find something to do. Who knows? I might help Mike in trying to get Ninjalara to like him," Don muttered with a shrug.

After minutes of mindless conversation, Donatello and Venus finally reached the buffet table. Though just before Don could pile something onto his plate, Ninjalara jumped the cue. "You can't cut in!" Don protested.

"Of course I can. I'm the author," Ninjalara commented.

"That's a lousy excuse," Don frowned. Sighing angrily, Ninjalara waved her hands, and out of nowhere, a small, blue cuddly bear appeared.

"We care!" the creature spoke while outstretching its arms, wanting a hug from Donatello. Don and Venus immediately jumped back with a yelp. Amused and satisfied with their reaction, Ninjalara waved her hands again causing the Care Bear to disappear. Venus shuddered while Don clutched his plastron as though he was about to have a heart attack.

"That was too close!" Venus panted with shock.

"Man that thing freaked me out!" Don said while starting to respect the author's powers.

"I'm still freaked out by the fact that I'm writing about myself in third person," Ninjalara commented with a shrug and a smirk while grabbing as much food as she could. Satisfied with her collection, she turned and left the buffet table, with Mike following close behind.

Donatello and Venus continued to stand in a shocked silence. Catching each other's frightened gaze, they both couldn't help but giggle at their expressions. Then, unexpectedly, Donatello felt as though something passed between them. Suddenly feeling as though he had nothing to lose, he boldly spoke up. "So…" he started. "Wanna make out?" he finally verbalised what he wanted to say for the past week and a half.

Venus raised an eye-ridge at his bold request. Biting her lip, she looked around at the party that was being held before them, only to find Raphael acting like the jackass he was, and Michelangelo attempting to chat up Ninjalara. Then she saw them. Mary Sue's family members. There were three more female mutant turtles. One had ruby coloured hair, complete with a red bandanna and twin sai. She had a permanent smirk on her face and a wicked glare to match. The next one had orange hair with a matching bandanna. Venus watched and scowled as the female played irresponsibly with her nunchucks. The last family member had hair that was a beautiful violet colour while wearing a silky purple bandanna. Venus' eyes grew wide with fear when she noticed the long wooden bo she delicately held in her hands, while recognising the token glasses that she wore on her face symbolising that she was a stereotypical nerd.

Without warning, Venus suddenly threw herself at Donatello, wanting at least _one_ male turtle to herself. Falling to the floor due to Venus' momentum, although Don thought she was quite aggressive in her approach, in the end he simply didn't mind. Venus, however, just didn't want Don to see the other Mary Sues that were multiplying around the place. For the next few minutes, the couple rolled around on the grass and passionately kissed each other in a mad frenzy, earning themselves whistles of excitement from Casey; everyone else just tended to ignore them, thinking that Venus was completely drunk.

"Wow!" Donatello gulped and blushed when Venus finally allowed him to breathe again. He didn't really expect her to even kiss him, let alone make out. Venus could only smile in response, feeling completely exhilarated at what she had just done on impulse. A shadow of a figure then towered over the two turtles. Feeling slightly embarrassed about how open they were with their feelings, Don and Venus slowly stood up again. Yet when Venus saw the person in front of her, her eyes almost popped right out of her head.

Venus gawked at the tall, male ninja turtle - admiring his muscular physique and healthy green skin. Her eyes twinkled when she observed his shiny, short blonde hair and dazzling sapphire eyes. His teeth were of a brilliant white and his aqua bandanna, kai mi weapons and belts were in perfect condition, as though he was just a model dressed up as a warrior. "What's, what's your name?" Venus managed to utter. The male gave her a perfect smile and stood with his hands on his hips, creating a heroic aura.

"Gary Stu," the male replied with a deep, sexy voice. Donatello watched and groaned as Venus and Gary walked off together, completely ignoring his existence. Sighing in defeat, Donatello decided to search for the Mary Sue that was created with the sole purpose of hooking up with him.

After finishing her lunch, Ninjalara quietly looked around the party and sighed with success when she noticed that she had paired up everyone for no apparent reason. Grinning like a Cheshire cat in satisfaction, Lara sat for a few more minutes and pondered whether she should make a craptacular sequel. After a few more minutes of thinking, Lara quickly became bored. Stretching as she got up from the table she was dining at, Lara turned and started to walk across Central Park, back towards the city. And so her long and arduous journey to the Australian Embassy in Washington DC began, hoping against hope that they'll deport her without any questions asked.

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The End?


End file.
